Well I am going to go ahead and stop the Latuda on Sunday. I feel like I am doing fine. No delusions, no weird thoughts in sight. Work and personal life is going well so I am going to go for it. Of course I am a little scared. I really don’t want any positive symptoms ever again. It is so nice for my thoughts to be my own, and not to be receiving messages from above (or so I thought).
Work is actually one of the best things I do lately. I feel like I am really helping others and have seen some great progress as of late. It is funny because there was one point in my life when the decision was before me whether I would work or not. I could have gone on permanent disabiltiy because of my disorder, but my husband wisely said “absolutely not, you need to work”. My psychiatrist agreed with him. I again speculated about it after my relapse when it didn’t look like I could find work that suited me. But I pushed forth and found a job that is low stress in a positive work environment and it has made all the difference.
To be honest, I really look forward to going to work- it is more like a hobby that I get paid for. My days off I am sometimes at a loss for what to do. I have my hobbies, but I still sometimes stay in my pjs all day and chill in front of the computer, although, I acutally recently bought a card table to do my projects on. I wrote my Christmas cards last night and completed another collage for a family member. I am now working on a collage for my daughter for Christmas. Last year Christmas, I was at such a terrible place with my relapse and all. This year I am really getting into the season, decorating the house, shopping etc… Last year I didn’t even send out Christmas cards which I do every year.
Helping others helps me. I am not altruistic, although I wish I were, helping others for the mere good of doing good. Perhaps one day…