Hello to all!
I am not doing so well due to three major losses going on in my life currently. My daughter 21 leaves for Colorado on Monday for school and I am heartbroken. She has been a huge part of my recovery from Schizoaffective Disorder and I really don’t think I will do well these next few weeks. I get to visit her in October but that seems so far away. She is dear to me and I call her my butterfly because even from her birth she has been my easiest and most loving child. Her thoughtfulness and ability to make me laugh is a lot of the reason why I do as well as I do. We will facetime, talk and text but that is 18 hours away. Seriously, could she get any farther? We are supposed to have a going away family party for her Sunday and I am not close to being ready. I hope everyone understands why things aren’t perfect.
But I said three losses and that is my biggest one surprisingly but I shall share also that my adult son is moving out the same month. He bought a condo with his girlfriend and I am happy for him but today I got emotional with him and he just shut me down. He is my firstborn child and will always hold a special place in my heart because of that fact. He is not going far but combine that with my daughter leaving the same month and ouch! He is also my computer geek around everything electronic but maybe that will give him reasons to visit. Unfortunately I am not very close to him anymore but maybe with him having his own place he will warm up to me again.
Lastly and sadly, I have to go on permanent disability. But I was able this time to give two weeks notice at my job with my last day being Wednesday. I am giving up my dream of getting my MFT license which isn’t that big a deal but to think that I will never work again is daunting. I do well for a while then all of a sudden I’m not ok. I didn’t have to be hospitalized this time and am happy for that, but it is a loss just the same. I wonder what I will do with my days especially with two kids gone at the same time. Perhaps now I will be able to focus more on my sixteen year old son, my house and myself. Might even garden I hope!
If anyone has any prayers to spare, I would be most grateful. My body wants to shut down with all this going on but I can’t give in and do that. I am not suicidal, happily I write, just have a sort of dread with all the loss going on right now at the same time. I do have a good therapist who I saw twice last week and that helps but where did all my friends go that were surrounding me last month? I feel very alone right now….
Here’s to better times to come,