Ever since my dad’s stroke I have been slowly deteriorating and it is painful to watch since I had made so much progress of recent with a healthy lifestyle. I am just so sad that I don’t have my dad the way I used to and my mom is needing help too and I feel so stretched thin. I go to visit my dad at extended care twice a day, once with my mom so we can walk around the grounds in between visits and once at night so I can try to connect with my dad alone. It sometimes works, sometimes not.
When I am not at the extended care I am sitting at my computer staring again. I am not psychotic, almost wish I was, more interesting, no I take that back, I don’t want to be psychotic again, that can be scary. I am just depressed. My pdoc wants me to see a therapist but no money for that. I have support but get tired of complaining so I just say I am ok, but I am not. Not doing the things I previously enjoyed. Just sit sit sit, click click click. Not bored just feeling useless.
The other thing is that I have to start looking for a job next week. My state disability ends next month so it is back to work I go and nothing glamorous mind you, no, we are talking minimum wage low stress job. I have a degree but will not mention that on my applications.
Here is to better days….