I had a fleeting thought today that I could work again…
I used to do so much at my old jobs.
It would seem as if post diagnosis with Schizophrenia since 2008 I have gotten progressively worse off. With each failure, whether it was quitting, going on disability, or getting fired, I have each time digressed to a lower level of functioning ability.
This last time when I got fired, I now suffer from anxiety much worse than before. I take two anti-anxiety medicines plus heavy mindfulness and I am ok if I do all that. Exercising helps too, can’t forget that. Today I didn’t exercise much but did some heavy housecleaning so got my heartbeat up.
It just seems as if my life is not getting better at least work-wise. But I will look for a job after the holidays. After my dear daughter comes home for a week. She is my biggest supporter and really helps me sort things out on our long walks everywhere.
At least I can manage my home, bills, pets, teenage son, spontaneous husband and 2 aging parents. I am not their caregiver but do help them throughout the week sometimes daily.
I am blessed to be alive. I wanted to be dead at one point but no more. No, I want to live my life fully and I am grateful for every day I can do that.