My psychiatrist really thinks I have a rare form of Schizoaffective Disorder because I basically diagnosed myself back in 2008 which a team of doctors at UCLA confirmed within three days of my admittance to their psychiatric ward. I knew something was amiss and was right.
This is how it has been for me in these last 8 years. I know when I am doing well and I know when I am not and even can predict when a relapse may occur, usually stress induced.
This is why I am perplexed this time at my recent development of psychotic symptoms over the past week. I can’t say it came out of nowhere. But it wasn’t stress it was amazement at how God definitely answered one of my heartfelt prayers. It was amazing and so clear and I thank God for the answer He gave me but I don’t understand why it brought on mild psychosis.
I am doing better now I think. The unwanted thoughts have ceased but I still am in a bit of a daze and am not motivated much to exercise right now. Because I don’t work I have a lot of free time and what do I do? Sit! in front of the computer, in the armchair etc.. you get the idea! I am working on my book some days so that is a good excuse to sit, but I wish I could get back into a good exercise routine again.
I see my pdoc on Friday which is good it is a few days away while I figure out how I really am doing. I have hope that he will help me with some of the missing pieces of the puzzle. Being mentally ill it is not always easy to know how one is doing. Talking to people doesn’t help. It may sound strange but it feels like God gave me the best psychiatrist in the world who I trust so much with all my important thoughts and care.
To my readers with Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective Disorder or any mental illness: I really hope you all have a psychiatrist you can trust too. I hope and pray that everyone looks forward to their appointments like I do!