The day started off all right, went to my women’s aa meeting, spoke with a dear friend, ate healthy, got my sleep, got some resources to help my depressed mother, visited her and she was doing poorly, visited my dad who had a stroke in July and is in a care facility, got some good coffee, visited my son at work, and then it hit…
A panic or sadness attack of some sort. I remembered later that I didn’t take my attivan in the morning because I have been doing so well. I felt like I shouldn’t drive. It crept up on me when I visited my son at work I was thought I was picking him up and was going to ask him to drive home because I was beginning to feel unwell but he had to work late and had secured a ride so I decided to go for a walk on a local trail. I was praying the rosary and saw a bench in the shade. So I sat for a while and waited for whatever it was to pass. I was texting my daughter about my visit with my dad and didn’t want to bother her with how I was feeling but did share with her later.
I don’t really know what it was or why I don’t let people know when I am not doing so well at the time I am not doing well??? This confuses me, my disorder confuses me, my moments that can last up to a couple of hours confuses me.
I don’t see my therapist until a week and a half and will surely share with him this day. I do have lots of support. I talked to my aa sponsor soon after I finally drove home which helped. I made a nice dinner for my husband and hung out with him for the evening then just finished a relaxing hot bath. I didn’t work out today and that’s ok on days like this. I know when I feel this way that even a workout won’t help me feel better.
I guess the best way to describe it is as being mentally unwell. I am under a lot of stress with caring for my parents so I need to be sure to take my meds every day. My psychiatrist told me I only had to take the attivan as needed. I guess I need it! Ha ha. If that was all that it was then that’s good news. I am glad I didn’t drive when I felt that way. I guess there is a lot to be grateful for!
Hoping for a better day tomorrow, I am going shopping with my mom so that will be good for both of us.