I hope todays’s post finds you all well for I am not well which I offer up my cowardice and pain for a dear friend who passed last week. Words cannot describe this excellent human being who I pray is now in heaven gardening with the angels!
She was fiesty but used it to help others.
She was good and always treated others with respect if it was due.
I find it very hard to put into words why I was so impressed with this rare specimen who no longer is here in her earthly body but oh how I miss her so!
I dedicate today’s post to Anne, a dear soul who fought with God and I am sure she won.
I will now share my cowardice and suffering as of recent and I offer it up for her soul which may still be in purgatory and is in need of my prayers and offerings of my current suffering coming off of Clozapine.
I am currently taking 25 mg every other night and it was the second night that I went without. The first night I couldn’t sleep at all and the second night was the same. I perspired in every crevice and itched so terribly I just wanted to be dead rather than spend another minute in bed with sleep at an arm length’s away…
For some Clozapine is a cure. But God has other plans for this person with Schizoaffective Disorder. It caused pain in all my joints especially my hands upon wakening were like stretching out a roll of toothpaste that is long past it’s due.
These are called extrapyrmadial symptoms of which I suffered much. It also caused heavy sedation. After taking my prescribed dosage, I would pass into sleepy land quickly and sleep 11 to 12 hours every night. I was on this medicine since October last year trying to see if I would adjust because I so wanted to be cured.
But it was not so so here I sit early in the am, with another sleepless night under my belt, my eyes aching, my side throbbing, hot and cold in the same minute. Oh I do not want to complain to my God. So I will stop now and ask him for His will be done in all areas of my life.
Today will be a chill day, getting ready some flowers for Anne’s memorial tomorrow which she did not want… But the best of us do not desire that I have found. I do need to go to the pharmacy though to fill a prescription for some more Latuda. I am on the max psychotic dosage 160 and don’t have enough for tomorrow. I don’t like to drive when I haven’t slept and oh yeah the extreme anxiety that hits when it may also causes me much suffering which I also lift up for Anne…
Have a good day readers, I shall try to make the most of it….
As usual Pax