Even though I am tired this Monday morning I feel God guiding me on a transformative journey but let me back up to this weekend…
I finally finished my fifth step in na this weekend (to share my wrongs with another) as I found myself in the confessional with my humble but wise confessor. I hid my 4th step in my bosom and chose to go the route of private confession behind a veil so I would not be recognized.
As I read my difficult 4th step which I have admitted to no one before I didn’t feel anything. I asked for comments after reading it and received a loving non judgmental answer and practical ways to overcome my sin.
After the absolution was prayed this dear priest who I consider to be Jesus in each sacrament said to me, “pray for help to find out who you really are”. Of which I was slightly offended at.
But God does not let us down when we are actively seeking His will and throughout Sunday till this moment I have discovered I don’t really know myself as the priest suggested.
Sunday came and I don’t know why but I felt unsettled despite my morning and afternoon practice of spiritual reading and prayer with meditation.
I felt led to buy some books from a dear friend who used to have a book store particularly seeking books on Buddhism which I feel drawn to study eastern philosophy. As we sorted through her books in her dusty shed from a cardboard box of books I picked out some books on Buddhism and also picked out a book called “vein of gold” which is a creative book full of exercises on how to discover who you are. The first exercise was writing by long hand 3 pages every day on anything going on in your mind. Well I started right away and it revealed much!
I picked it up this morning after my morning practice and was blown away by the first few lines. I had to look up the word alchemy as it was used in a way describing the book and this journey I am about to embark on in an unknown context. It means transformation which I didn’t even know I needed!
I thank God for this wonderful journey I am on called life as more is revealed through the universe, nature, people and books. I pray for wisdom from the Holy Spirit to continue to guide me in all I do particularly with my work and the promotion of my book.
I shall share more as much as I feel led anyway but it is very personal so we shall see.
I plan to do my first podcast this week so that is exciting as when I blog or talk I find I am also learning who I am. Yesterday I read my past 5 of 6 blogs and how far I have come since February 18 of this year! I was suicidal and at the deepest dark moment of my life but I have heard that without great pain one cannot know great joy!!! So I am terribly joyful these days and don’t have words to describe my gratitude to my Creator who made heaven and earth!