Am I succeeding or failing???

Dear readers,

I am in a cross in the roads right now.  Life has been crazy and I have been swept up in the busyness of keeping up with my house and soon the gardens,

I haven’t been writing much at all.  I just don’t feel like it.

Life is hard; Life is easy when I accept all that happens to me and just keep on keeping on.

An old friend reached out to me the other day and I was surprised to hear from wags and his questions to me and the answers I haven’t provided yet have caused me to think.

I don’t work, permanent disability, I don’t write, books didn”t sell.  What do I do with my time?  I visit my frail parents at extended care and visit with my friends I have made there.

I clean my house because I feel better with a tidy house.  But today is Sunday so I am taking a break from the house to write.  I don’t feel like I am a very good writer though.  It is so hard to express what I feel and I have a great idea sometimes and getting it out on paper is like tweaking, unpredictable.

So I will try if you have made it this far to get my thoughts out here.

I am in love with God although I don’t go to Mass anymore or receive the sacraments.  Just where I am and don’t feel bad.

I don’t work but keeping up with my frail parents is a part time job and I enjoy it although today I took the day off from visiting them.  I really needed a break and my sister is picking up the slack and telling me to go have fun.

I take supplements for energy, and relaxation sometimes bouncing between the two.

Relaxing is hard these days and to be completelty honest I enjoy keeping up the house so the relaxation is harder for me but today I am just resting.

Delusions are pretty much gone.  All that remains is the negative symptoms.  I take CBD oil go terpy and it helps immensely with all the stress.

Finances are bleak right now…. that is all I will say about that.

I received two jury summons in the same week.  Federal and local.  I had to get a note from my doctor to excuse me and in the comments I had to write that I am not one who should be making judgements, sound.  That was hard because I wonder sometimes how I m going to get through each day being led by God in a usual way not super connected right now but still praying and coming closer to God in a less extreme way.

WEll I did it, got some thoughts out here where I remain anonymous.  Hiding behind my pseudo name.  Now time to take more supplements and yes I am going to tidy my house.

Hope you all are doing ok.  I am just ok and that has to be enough.

Pax

Victoria

Happy 2020!!!

A new day tomorrow, new month, new year, new decade. My thoughts are good lately. Feeling positive about a new slate. Staying up late to bring in the new year…

Been very productive lately thanks to many things. God is so good and if you don’t believe in God I will believe for you, kind of like because He is so real. My faith is a gift 💝 May you realize this gift of Jesus Christ our creator. That Almighty the Divine.

Pax

Victoria