Am I succeeding or failing???

Dear readers,

I am in a cross in the roads right now.  Life has been crazy and I have been swept up in the busyness of keeping up with my house and soon the gardens,

I haven’t been writing much at all.  I just don’t feel like it.

Life is hard; Life is easy when I accept all that happens to me and just keep on keeping on.

An old friend reached out to me the other day and I was surprised to hear from wags and his questions to me and the answers I haven’t provided yet have caused me to think.

I don’t work, permanent disability, I don’t write, books didn”t sell.  What do I do with my time?  I visit my frail parents at extended care and visit with my friends I have made there.

I clean my house because I feel better with a tidy house.  But today is Sunday so I am taking a break from the house to write.  I don’t feel like I am a very good writer though.  It is so hard to express what I feel and I have a great idea sometimes and getting it out on paper is like tweaking, unpredictable.

So I will try if you have made it this far to get my thoughts out here.

I am in love with God although I don’t go to Mass anymore or receive the sacraments.  Just where I am and don’t feel bad.

I don’t work but keeping up with my frail parents is a part time job and I enjoy it although today I took the day off from visiting them.  I really needed a break and my sister is picking up the slack and telling me to go have fun.

I take supplements for energy, and relaxation sometimes bouncing between the two.

Relaxing is hard these days and to be completelty honest I enjoy keeping up the house so the relaxation is harder for me but today I am just resting.

Delusions are pretty much gone.  All that remains is the negative symptoms.  I take CBD oil go terpy and it helps immensely with all the stress.

Finances are bleak right now…. that is all I will say about that.

I received two jury summons in the same week.  Federal and local.  I had to get a note from my doctor to excuse me and in the comments I had to write that I am not one who should be making judgements, sound.  That was hard because I wonder sometimes how I m going to get through each day being led by God in a usual way not super connected right now but still praying and coming closer to God in a less extreme way.

WEll I did it, got some thoughts out here where I remain anonymous.  Hiding behind my pseudo name.  Now time to take more supplements and yes I am going to tidy my house.

Hope you all are doing ok.  I am just ok and that has to be enough.

Pax

Victoria

2 comments on “Am I succeeding or failing???

  1. Hello
    Dear brave soul

    I am not on this space often
    Yet m glad to hav made it here

    Reading your post

    Am glad to read of your personal strength and mental clarity despite your medical conditions…

    I mean you beam inspiration and absolute courage in action

    Please keep writing dear wonderful brave noble soul

    You can teach ppl somethin from your journey and by this very effort of your exertion breaking your routine

    I cud read abt ur journey

    And how much inspiring you got within to unleash on those with their own challenges and bruised battered willpower

    Dear love please keep writing

    Its magical
    The miracle of inspiration

    Blessed Be
    Wishing you health n bliss
    🌈🙏💜

    Like

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