Trying to look on the bright side of very difficult times…

Dear readers,

The pain is real- yet I thank God that I can feel pain…

My OCD is kicking in on very sad news- yet I look up to heaven for help from above… and try to obsess over positive things instead of all that might not even happen…

Relationships come first to me.  Often it is true that on a day when my dying parents are having a good day, I’m better too.

I try to be at peace no matter what life throws at me, but it is hard and this morning is really hard.

The answer of course is in the Divine, which I call Jesus, but often He is quiet and as I look upon the cross I know that I share a fraction of the pain that He felt when He was at His saddest.

My hope and my help is in God, Almighty who carries me through the most trying times and right now is one of the hardest I have ever been in.

My days consist of visiting sick people, but I am sick too or rather disordered I prefer to call it.  But visiting sick people is what Jesus did so I like that my days are ordered so.

Putting on my makeup and doing my hair help, as does having a tidy house of which I have neither right now but hoping blogging will help.  Thank you Spirit voyager for encouraging me to write.  You message came at the perfect time and I see it as a sign from God.

I see many signs from God.  Last night I went to the ocean with my hubbie and just talked and mused about what the ocean meant to us.  It was different.  To me the ocean means that God is real because something had to make it.  So when I am hurting as I was last night, listening to the waves and experience the cold oceanic air calms me down and I take it home with me…

I remember when I did not believe in a Higher Power.  It was the saddest time in my life and I pray I didn’t convert anyone to not belive in God.

I have made many mistakes in my life and my judgement is not always sound. But I don’t feel like this blog is a mistake.

If I can help just one person it is worth it.

I want to give hope to those with Schizophrenia or any mental health problem.  That it is possible to recover from any disorder mental or physical.  There will be days when life is falling apart and days when one has it all together or at least it will appear so.

But right now the suffering is so real and I fear the stress may cause a relapse of the positive symptoms.  So I will do what I need to do to avaoid that from happening.  take care of me, eat healthy, get my rest, drink copious amounts of coffee and put my makeup on .  Exercise helps too as does my supplements.

Sadly I will need to take my antipsychotics and antidepressants the rest of my life I know but without out them I am suicdal so it is much better to suffer through many side effects.  They keep me sane and my wonderful psychiatrist and therapist also help me to do well too.

I will list my supplements in another blog but cbd oil by Go terpy is the main addition that has kept me from the need to write.

Leaving you with the hope of Christ,

As ever Pax

Victoria

 

 

 

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