Part 6 of my schizophrenia love journey…

The past is a big ball of confusion and the presence matches it closely.  I suffer from Schizoaffective Disorder, with bipolar tendencies, ocd, anxiety and depression.

So what?  I can still do many things although working is not in the works for me.

I call this my Schizophrenia love journey because all along I have been obsessed with being the best person I can be and it isn’t always easy but I try to be cheerful and upbeat and choose people the same to be around.

When I was actively psychotic I would give messages to many people of many walks of life but once the medicine started working which was pretty much right away the messages ceased except when something really important was going to happen.

Some days I feel like I am going crazy, other times I am mellow and other times I am just putting on a good face and getting by.  But through it all I have the capacity to love others especially my friends and family and the occassional stranger, so in that I am very blessed.  I don’t give up on the hard days, actually the hard days force me to get into gear and do whatever task is set at my hands.

I am not psychotic currently just overwhelmed by life although I feel like I am doing really well.  When one is psychotic I feel like I have superpowers but today they sit quietly within me and I hope I don’t disturb them to awaken them.

I long for peace and more love in my life hopefully some grandchildren in the near future and make some more friends maybe is a goal I have.

We all have a story to tell and although I am in the middle of this series, I am wondering what my readers want to hear about.  More about the psychotic times, or about how I cope given this diagnosis of my disorder.  Or both?

Write to me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com with any thoughts of what interests you.  I am happy to be blogging again anyway and getting some hits from around the world.

May the Peace of God be with you all!

pax

Victoria

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