Am I losing heart?…

Not yet and hoping this continues, productive days coupled with relaxation and finally giving my pups more attention.

It’s so strange but simple things that others find easy used to be extremely difficult for me up till this pandemic. Now that I don’t go anywhere I am actually focusing where God has me, on my family, pups, home and gardens. It feels so good.

I also take time for reflection and this blog allows me to look upon my progress with all I do each day and feel good and accomplished. I’m speaking of external, interior and eternal things…

Prayer is at the center though of all I do. Today I dedicated a little dance in the kitchen for a friend who had a hard day.

I think of God often. He always thinks of me. I try to wake up each day in prayer but some days I am more attentive than others. He knows my heart and the medicine makes it hard for me to wake up in the mornings but today I tried something new that got me busy in the am. I shall share~

I wanted to be with my friend who lost her husband this Friday and actually go somewhere serene and beautiful, we chose Morro Bay in California. But I knew the only way I could go would be to work extra hard today and so I did. I usually don’t get productive until 5pm but today I started at ten! Lots of breaks to attend to my needs but worked all day and that is a first in a long while.

I am also attending to detail much better and I believe that is because of the Mental Clarity from Shaklee that I am taking. I am more focused, have a better memory and need my vices less.

I still need help though; yesterday with my therapist’s help, I was able to make a decision about where to plant some pretty flowers I bought several weeks ago. This decision was very hard as I wasn’t sure I was ready to take care of another section of my land. I do well for a while then I fall back into a rut and lose heart and motivation.

I chose the planter out on my back porch and left room in the middle to plant a geranium that I propogated (to make a plant from an established plant) that my dad told me how to do. It isn’t ready for transplant just yet but in a few weeks it will move over there and I have another way to remember my dad.

He is still alive believe it or not and the grief therapy that I receive every week for free because he is on hospice has provided much comfort and ideas how to navigate these hard times. I have acceptance for God’s will and every time I get to talk to him I am grateful for more moments with him.

I am very blessed in many ways. I choose to no longer suffer but rather embrace my disorder as a small part of me and even though I may have another mental break again, I am happy I have not had a hospitalization since 2018. But I am also not trying to work for money so hopefully never again I will be in that state. God’s will.

Enough rambling for tonight.

Godspeed

pax

Victoria

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