Out of sorts today….

I am not doing well today and none of my  vices or coping tools is helping.

I suppose everyone has days like this.  Supposed to go out tonight with hubbie but may not go.

I just feel blah.  Yesterday wasn’t great either but was better than today.

I have bills to do but they might have to wait while I pamper myself with my essential oils.  Today it is Rose oil with Jasmine!

Anyway, life is not always perfect I am learning.  And after having a series of really good days maybe this is what I can expect???’



Dogs and Schizophrenia and other mental disorders

Dear all,

My dogs are my constant companions when I am at home and I think of both of them as therapy dogs.  Petting them, grooming them, playing with them, loving them, watching them be silly and observe unending energy when new people come over are all ways to feel better about yourself not only if you have a mental disorder as I do.  I take pics of them looking at me with nothing but absolute love in their eyes.  They never make me feel bad the way people can if you let them.

When Peter the Community Marketing Manager of Rover reached out to me and asked me to spread the benefits I was all over it.  I hadn’t thought before how much my dogs help me and after reading the article I have to pass it on.  So check out the link below and if you are a dog owner with a mental disorder share in the comments please for others.





How do I keep busy while I await….

I am currently at 100 mg of clozapine, and despite the tiredness I feel pretty good hopeful and keeping up with everything for the most part…

I have applied for a job which I might get…

But in the meantime I keep myself busy with light tasks and fun hobbies.

I make bath diy products, soap, hand sanitizer, lotion, bath bombs and use my quite nice collection of essential oils, which I have been collecting the last few months.

Lavender is my favorite for night or when I am chilling, jasmine and yiang yiang during the day hours.  I not only have an room diffuser but I also wear a necklace made of lava rocks which diffuse the oils too that I am enjoying.

I also garden when it is nicer and enjoy my flowers throughout the areas I have been working on.  I also just bought a windchime for the front.  Not windy right now though.

I busy myself also with making DIY Christmas decorations.  This year will be a sad year because my daughter isn’t coming home but will be here in January.  It is because of this that I am doing Christmas very different this year.  I sent a few important cards but not to everyone I usually send to.  Why is it that only at Christmas we remember certain people?

I have been celebrating Christmas for weeks now giving away the bath products I made and little well meaning gifts.  I enjoy giving.  IT’s fun to bless someone that isn’t expecting it.

I have much serenity these days as I adjust to my new medication.  Prayer is at the forefront of every day, and I see answered prayer among my day quite frequently.  I have candles burning for different requests.  One for my dad and mom, one for my daughter and a dear friend for their future spouses, one for Mike my husbands friend who tried to kill himself but didn’t succeed but is left in a poor state, one for all my family and loved ones.  To God do I burn these candles and trust my prayers are being heard by heaven!

I do not have much anxiety right now which is good.  I have so much love and joy and am experiencing these wonderful emotions while I wait for what I do not know what the future will bring.

I have a certain sadness because of my dad.  Hoping he makes it another Christmas…



Even when I was flat broke, which I am now…God had my hand…

God tests us sometimes and right now is that time.  Testing my patience with the medication which makes me tired and not hungry, testing me with my finances being so bleak as I await on a job I applied for that is in my field.

I am reminded of God’s goodness all the time though even while waiting for something to happen…

I see a bird, a flower, an ocean, a cup of warm coffee…I see God in every comfort and in every suffering I feel that I share in some of what he must have felt as He hung on the cross of Calvary for our sins, past, present and future.  It is to this blood that I appeal now and all my days.  I am not suicidal but look forward to the day when God decides I am done here.

Today I took care of me all day and am relaxing some more.  With this medication adjustment I don’ t know when I am hungry, tired etc…

But for today I trust in God Almighty, and bow down before Him!  In my lowliness, Lord show me the way!




Decision rendered, “unfavorable”.

That was all that was sent to me by SSA disability.  unfavorable.

But perhaps it is the very best thing as I already have a job lined up where I used to work as an outreach consultant at a school for my base.  I have very much missed working with children these past two years and with no grandchildren in sight it will be good to work with kids again.  I am strange, I often prefer to spend time with kids than adults.  Much more interesting and I just love their passion for learning new things.

I have already cleaned up my resume and printed it and will go in Monday morning first thing.  Can’t wait till Monday…

I’m not going to say that I’m not scared at the idea of working again, I am, but I choose to be brave and trust in God.  He has brought me safe thus far and I will continue to rely on Him!



Music soothes my soul….

In the mood to blog, hope everyone is doing well.

Music really helps me a lot that and my essential oils…

I find music on Youtube for free and buy some CD’s when I want to play my music while I am working on the kitchen.

Today is my anti-shopping day.  Not one thing, we’ll see, it is hard to resist Amazon Prime.

Right now I am listening to Jason Mraz, Mr. Curiosity.  So amazing!

I am also addicted to the music of Sara Bareilles, I choose you, 100 times and more….



Schizoaffective disorder isn’t the end of it all…

I was diagnosed in 2008 with this dastartd affliction and not a day has gone by that I have felt normal but on this new medicine I have such high hopes.  Sure the blood tests weekly suck but it is worth it.

I just came off Risperdal which I have been on since 2008.  It kept the voices away but I believe there is more and I want all that is due me.  If it is a life of misery then I accept it but I feel it is going to be so much more.

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate.  I over ate today in celebration of the occasion.  Didn’t feel well much of the day due to either a tummy bug or withdrawl from the Risperdal.  Hopefully will feel better tomorrow.

To anyone newly diagnosed, seriously check out Clozapine.  I have hopes I will be able to work again soon and that is very exciting.  I get bored sometimes being home a lot and often go for drives by myself just to listen to my music and chill…..