Goodbye Yellow Brick Road…

When are you coming down?

When are you going to land?

Not every day can be perfect and today was one of them.  It is only now after relaxing by myself for a bit and processing my day with a spiritual friend that I am able to write.

I am not going to share my day though!  Hah that would be too boring…

Just the end.

I caught the sunset and have been doing so for the last few weeks.  I can see it from my meditation room and the few quiet moments tonight as it was descending this song came on.  Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Sarah Bareilles.  Again music comes to my aid to enhance an experience.  And the answer to those questions is that my future lies beyond the yellow brick road.  For me that song had great significance in my recovery from schizophrenia.  As I said goodbye to my delusions I would sing with Sarah.  Oh how grande!

So what else do I have to say goodbye to?

Life as we once knew it, which is now riddled with fear and chaos.

To giving up.  I will never ever give up!  I can’t, I won’t.

Please if you are reading this don’t give up hope.  You can always reach out to me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com which is a private email closely monitored.  Thank you to the numbers of people who have written to me sharing their pain.  Some of them I have lost touch with others are still in my life.  The important thing  is to reach out if you are hurting to family, friends, therapists, psychiatrists and 911 if needed…

The hard way out would be to commit suicide but I would hurt too many people so it would be safe to say that I have many protective factors on my side.  Not all are so fortunate.  If you fall in this category, please know that I care about you.  I pray for my readers all the time…

I would like to say goodbye to my non productive days like today was.  My lowest point was lying on the master bed, which I had just made at 5pm, with a pile of clean clothes in my arms curled up in the fetal position.  I was just trying so hard to be productive and what I really needed was just a  good old fashioned lie down.  I proceeded to fold the clothes while laying down which I do not recommend if you want your clothes to be folded properly (hehe).

I realized soon after that my blood sugar was low after I ate a delicious chocolate m n m cookie and felt much better.  And drank my water after my umpteenth cup of coffee.

Well that is all for the night.

Working on my walking blog for the May series.  Hopefully will finish and post tonight.

Do you all like when I put pictures?

Seriously, email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com as my email in-box has been quiet this week ha ha.  It helps me to listen to you and is safe.  And in this lock down a good idea to at least call, text, facetime, or email someone in your life, if not me, who has been a support or may be.  People, especially me, are not perfect but human connection is needed now more than ever so reach out.  Go and may God bless you!

Pax

Victoria

 

Guest article on financial planning for people with disabilities…

guest4 Essential Financial Planning Steps for People Who Live With Disabilities

Living with a disability can mean living with extra care costs. While you may be fully prepared to pay for those expenses now, life can be full of unexpected surprises. If those surprises impacted your income, whether due to a job loss or sudden injury, could your family afford the added expenses? If you can’t readily answer this question, it may be time to sit down and come up with a financial plan for your future. Without adequate planning, your loved ones could end up footing the bill and feeling overwhelmed. Thankfully, these steps can prevent that added stress.

Signing Up for Adequate Life Insurance

Although no one likes to think about it, if you pass away, that can put an immense financial burden on loved ones. But you can help your loved ones avoid this hassle by buying life insurance online. Online calculators and comparison charts make it easier than ever to shop for life insurance without the need to speak with an agent or even leave your own living room. In the event of your untimely passing, your loved ones can use the proceeds from your policy to replace lost income and help pay for other living costs. You should be aware, however, that a Schizophrenia or Bipolar Disorder diagnosis might make it tough to qualify for a large sum. Instead, you may need to apply for a guaranteed benefit policy, which is often more expensive and has a lower benefit.

Adding a Final Expense Insurance Policy

If you want even more financial protection for your surviving loved ones in the event of your death, you should also consider purchasing final expense insurance. Unlike life insurance, this sort of policy typically only pays out enough to offset funeral expenses, unpaid medical bills, and other costs that are directly related to your death. By adding final expense coverage, you can provide some added financial cushion for family members so that they can reserve payouts from your traditional life insurance policy for other costs and expenses. The average American funeral can cost $7,000 to $10,000, and that’s only for minimal burial and memorial options, so having extra final expense coverage could save your family a lot of stress during their time of grief.

Considering Long-Term Care Insurance

Will you need long-term care in the future? Over half of all seniors in America will need some variety of long-term care in their lifetime, and the costs of that care can be overwhelming, even if seniors only need care for a couple of years. So if you want to be prepared for your care needs, you need to come up with a financial plan for covering long-term care expenses. For many people, that means buying long-term care insurance. If you are currently in your 60s, 50s, or even younger, long-term care insurance can be much more affordable, so the key is to start shopping early. Purchasing long-term care insurance can prevent your spouse, children, or other family members from having to struggle to find ways to pay for the long-term care you may need. You may also be able to help pay for long-term care by selling your home, so it’s a good idea to stay informed on how much you can make from a sale. Keep in mind how much equity you have in your home and the assorted fees, taxes, and commissions you’ll owe after selling.

Saving Enough for Other Retirement Expenses

Care expenses can already be a major financial burden for retirees, but there are a few unexpected healthcare costs that can take seniors by surprise. Dental care, prescription drugs, and preventative care can all result in added expenses that are not covered by traditional Medicare policies, so it’s especially important for those who are living with disabilities to include these potential healthcare costs in their financial plan for retirement. Estate planning is also important, and signing up for life insurance can be a good start. Still, your estate plan should also include legal documents that will allow loved ones to make decisions regarding your care, your estate, or your final expenses, including a will and the right power of attorney documents.

You may not be able to see into the future, but you don’t need superpowers to create a solid financial plan for your future expenses. Living with a disability can mean even more expense for your loved ones if something should happen to you. So make sure that you have a financial plan for both the expected and the unexpected.

Thank you Ed Carter for writing this and caring about many by sharing such helpful information.

Photo Credit: Rawpixel

Coming soon the benefits of???

Pax

Victoria

What is the delusion?

Ok, I am willing to share this deep secret that I have only told some random therapist about.

I believe I am the cause of the Coronavirus!

God gave me a sign a week before to stop vaping.  Very clear and one other person witnessed the message to me.  And then in a song God confirmed his will

The messages have been clear and timely to what I am thinking about.

So do I quit?  No!  I tried and went crazy.

So I am sorry world.

Part of me knows that the world does not revolve around me.  But this delusion persists and there is nothing I can do about it.

I feel so guilty.

God gave me the gift of Schizophrenia in 2006 and I had no idea then what i know now.  I am on medication but the main delusion at the time of 2006-2008 and off an on since is that I am the most special person to ever live.

Well this delusion that I am causing the virus as some sort of punishment for my disobedience is a lot to handle.  Wondering if I should share it with my psychiatrist in a couple of weeks.

I don’t let it affect my every day life though, just have my moments of regret and justification.

Delusions can be so deep and I haven’t seen any more signs as of late but the world isn’t getting better and here I sit vaping…

Today was hard, I was bored with myself, my music, my life but not my dog.  Dressed her in a red bandanna left over from the large pack I bought for masks.  But instead today drove an hour each way to pick up some nice ones a kind lady made that I met on FB. Was with my son so got in some new music.

But seriously people I need some ideas   I will search my own mind.  It has failed me before but now I am desperate to find a better way to spend my days while in self isolation with my hubbie, and two adult kids.

Did take a walk with my pup which helped.  Sun and wind in the same short walk.  Haven’t felt much like exercising as of late.  But know I must for my mental health.  Must, must , must.  It is not an option no it is a prescription for me from me.  Exercise to feel better even if I don’t feel like it!

Off to walk a little, wait, need to eat dinner first.  Miss a meal, not I!

pax

Victoria

experiment failed…

so i did something stupid.  i stopped exercising for a few days and then ate a bunch of junk food. i feel like crap. only thing getting me through it is kroq 106.7 fm radio station.  they give me the news along with my favorite music…

mentally down but forcing myself to get busy today.  running out of things to clean or at least what I am willing to clean.  The overhead light in my kitchen has never been cleaned. pure grease. blogging is helping my mood.

Favorite song right now- Running up that Hill, made a deal with God by Kate Bush.  I must make a deal with God to end the corona virus. at least that is one of my delusions. Not really in the mood to share it today as promised.  Too raw,, too person, too global.

Time is as nothing

days on end

stuck in the new pattern of life

pax

Victoria

Hard day but fighting still…

It’s late…I’m relaxing with earbuds and kroq playing loud. A station I have loved for 30 plus years. Alternative music with spurts of weirdness and sometimes offensive… I just ignore those brief comments.

But anyway they are a great positive station that has a great vibe and uplifting messages throughout the music. Love chilling with them.

On to my day… it sucked. Covid stuff. Afraid of germs so much and that my husband who went back to work Tuesday might catch the virus and bring it home.

I read today that fear and hope cannot exist at the same time so choose one! I choose hope, hope that the world 🌎 will return to normal or at least a new normal one day..

Tomorrow will share my most recent delusion. It’s crazy so I hope you check back tomorrow but I’m tired 😓

Good night and God bless!

Pax

Victoria

Warning~Religious post with no apologies…

Jesus died for us, plain and simple, He rose from the dead in expiation of our sins and lives today at the right hand of the father, filled with love and mercy for us all.  All we have to do is ask Him in and He will graciously accept!

Even though we may be disordered or know a loved one with a disorder God loves us all the more.  he knows all our sufferings and difficulties and knows the deepest thoughts of our estranged at times minds.

I wish I could write in Spanish… just pondering these thoughts today on another day in physical distancing mode.

To keep busy I have been doing the mundane and even brushed my dogs and brushed their teeth!  Gave them extra treats because I am rationing their dog food until it is safe to go out and buy it.

May order some on line but I like to get a good kind and I’ll have to look that up but for now I am good with spoiling them with extra treats.

Back to Jesus.  If you are despairing right now or are unsure if you believe in God or heaven or anything say this simple prayer and watch the Holy Spirit work wonders in your life.

“Jesus, I ask you into my heart.  I love you and thank you for loving me.  Please send the Holy Spirit to guide me and all my loved ones and the whole world right now when the devil is happy we are apart. ”

Solidarity is unity through Jesus!!!

But the devil won’t be happy if we pray this prayer.  Say amen and really mean it and your life will change.  And if you already have done this, can I get an Amen and a prayer for all of those who really need a prayer right now even if they are not yet ready to accept Jesus into their life.

God bless

pax

Victoria

Melt down, still recovering…

After my last post of how well I was doing I hit a wall…

Had to go to busy store to pick up my prescriptions and tried all day the day before to get them delivered but because one of them is a controlled substance they could not.  It was a lot of ups and downs and in the end I did go but got out as quick as I could.  Really freaked me out!

This is fricking nuts!  I am still recovering from my melt down.  Thought about drugs and booze but not about suicide.  No I want to live , I want to give hugs again and shake hands, without the fear…

Tried to quit vaping…didn’t go so well on a stressful day and there may be more to come…

Hope and pray for all of you and your families everywhere, Japan, China, India, Australia to name a few and of course the US.  God bless the world, God bless America!

pax

v