Quick update

Dear readers,

I haven’t posted since December 2017, I don’t know where to start really to describe what I am feeling right now…

Over medicated, easily stressed out, gained some weight ūüė¶ and overall not feeling well mentally even to the point of being suicidal with a plan which ended up with another hospital stay.

Monday I see my pdoc and I am going to discuss with him giving up on the Clozapine and going back on the risperdal.  At first I was doing great on it but my lack of motivation and weight gain is what is really going on.

I pray God’s will in all of this… and that has to be enough for now…

I also pray for all who read this, to be in God’s will.

Good night readers, praying my next post will be more upbeat.  I am a fighter and I will not give up!

Pax

Victoria

hard to describe but I will do my best to put it into words…

Hello to all my readers new and old!

2 days now on the medicine Nivigil and 6 weeks on Clozapine which is amazing.  My pdoc prescribed me Nivigil to help with the tiredness caused by Clozapine.  It works amazingly!  For two days now I have had motivation to do things I have put off for some of it off for many years.

Every corner of my humble home is under scrutiny right now.¬† Just sayin…

I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else, but the days of darkness are I feel behind me with this new medication regime.¬† My good friend Bethany Yeiser of CureSZ shared her experience with me of the benefits of Clozapine¬† ¬†And I took it to my pdoc right away almost and am just so grateful she shared with me.

So I want to share now with everyone who reads this who has still struggled with positive and negative symptoms of Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective Disorder.  You do not have to suffer needlessly.  Ask your psychiatrist about Clozapine.  I just wish I knew about it sooner but it is what it is and I am grateful now more than ever to have my life back.  It might help you too!

My whole outlook has changed.  I am enjoying life in a new way and am so grateful to even be alive.  This from someone who was suicidal just a few months ago, no plan mind you but the thoughts were there and now they are gone.  I am more social and am always trying to find ways to give back what was so freely given to me.  lol.  I am also wonderfully free of all delusions of grandeur!  How I love this because they were a great burden.

I would like to do another poll so please take a minute and chime in on Clozapine.

Thanks ahead if you answer the poll!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

If you would like to share your story or have any questions feel free to comment on this or email me at victoriaalonso@yahoo.com

Pax

Victoria

To the Universe, getting ready for my apt. tomorrow with Psychiatrist….

This is what I need to do for myself and if anyone else benefits then great…

Tomorrow I see my pdoc and hopefully he will be increasing my Clozapine.¬† I’m at a hundred right now but have been told that 400-450 is the therapeutic level.¬† I am still taking my Latuda but hopefully will be able to wean off of it and just be on the Clozapine.

So far the Clozapine has been great helping me to feel my feelings again which has been a bit uncomfortable but manageable.  I have had some of my most productive days on it than ever but still have some days where I am just well the best way to describe it is down.  I have had several lately in a row, with today finally coming out of it thankfully.

I am still having the side effect of tiredness and am sleeping 10-13 hours a day especially in the mornings I am like a zombie my husband has witnessed.  Am going to ask about a medicine to counteract this side effect.

What helps me most is my essential oils, lavender, peppermint, rose and jasmine.¬† And my music stays with me at every corner.¬† I’m good with a few close friends and most of all my dear daughter is there for me at every bend.¬† She is like my life line, and she calls me her angel but she is mine more than she knows.¬† Oh all my children bring me much joy!¬† Today someone asked me if I was a grandma.¬† Wow!¬† No, I answered not yet but I am hopeful….

My book will be out very soon, supposed to be arriving any day for my approval.  Will see if it can provide me some sort of income.  I have written many articles, a chapter in a book, a self published book and now a book that is being published and promoted with Covenant Books.  If this one does well I have another one ready to go too.  But it feels like a lifetime ago that I wrote it when in reality it was just a few months ago.

I am definitely not psychotic these days, very in touch with reality lately, my last delusion has faded greatly so that is a huge relief as it was a burden that I carry with only a few knowing these thoughts of grandeur.  Reality hurts.  I am human and I have a disorder.  What else can I say but that while my delusions were positive they carried with it a huge burden that I am just now as I type losing rapidly so happy to say.

But living in reality for the time being is great because although I make mistakes, some bigger than others, I know I am forgiven.¬† But it’s scary sometimes because I have very poor judgement at times….

God is good to me though and although I can’t see Him, I feel His presence with me at every waking moment and with each beat of my heart do I pray His will for me now and forever… amen.

Pax

Victoria

Out of sorts today….

I am not doing well today and none of my  vices or coping tools is helping.

I suppose everyone has days like this.  Supposed to go out tonight with hubbie but may not go.

I just feel blah.¬† Yesterday wasn’t great either but was better than today.

I have bills to do but they might have to wait while I pamper myself with my essential oils.  Today it is Rose oil with Jasmine!

Anyway, life is not always perfect I am learning.¬† And after having a series of really good days maybe this is what I can expect???’

Pax

Victoria

Dogs and Schizophrenia and other mental disorders

Dear all,

My dogs are my constant companions when I am at home and I think of both of them as therapy dogs.  Petting them, grooming them, playing with them, loving them, watching them be silly and observe unending energy when new people come over are all ways to feel better about yourself not only if you have a mental disorder as I do.  I take pics of them looking at me with nothing but absolute love in their eyes.  They never make me feel bad the way people can if you let them.

When¬†Peter the¬†Community Marketing Manager of Rover reached out to me and asked me to spread the benefits I was all over it.¬† I hadn’t thought before how much my dogs help me and after reading the article I have to pass it on.¬† So check out the link below and if you are a dog owner with a mental disorder share in the comments please for others.

Pax

Victoria

https://www.rover.com/blog/new-breed-service-dog-canine-companions-psychiatric-patients/

 

Clozapine is suppressing my appetite!

I’ve lost 5 pounds so far with 20 to go!

I am also off two medicines I have been taking for years~ Risperdal (an anti-psychotic) and Buspar (anti-anxiety).

I am still on Latuda (an antipsychotic) and attivan (anti-anxiety) for my mental health and synthroid for my thyroid.

I see my psychiatrist on the 19th of this month and will be pleased to give him a good report of the new medicine, Clozapine.

It still makes me tired a lot but I think and hope my body is adjusting to it.¬† I take naps but not today…

Today I¬† ran my household tight.¬† Shopped, cleaned, cooked and got it all tidy.¬† I’ve been doing much better lately with the household and I know that is another benefit of this med.¬† I am more motivated, creative, and in a better mood.

I also feel much stronger to work again.¬† I have applied at two places that I would use my degree for the job if I get hired, if I get an interview….

God’s will be done!

Pax

Victoria

How do I keep busy while I await….

I am currently at 100 mg of clozapine, and despite the tiredness I feel pretty good hopeful and keeping up with everything for the most part…

I have applied for a job which I might get…

But in the meantime I keep myself busy with light tasks and fun hobbies.

I make bath diy products, soap, hand sanitizer, lotion, bath bombs and use my quite nice collection of essential oils, which I have been collecting the last few months.

Lavender is my favorite for night or when I am chilling, jasmine and yiang yiang during the day hours.  I not only have an room diffuser but I also wear a necklace made of lava rocks which diffuse the oils too that I am enjoying.

I also garden when it is nicer and enjoy my flowers throughout the areas I have been working on.  I also just bought a windchime for the front.  Not windy right now though.

I busy myself also with making DIY Christmas decorations.¬† This year will be a sad year because my daughter isn’t coming home but will be here in January.¬† It is because of this that I am doing Christmas very different this year.¬† I sent a few important cards but not to everyone I usually send to.¬† Why is it that only at Christmas we remember certain people?

I have been celebrating Christmas for weeks now giving away the bath products I made and little well meaning gifts.¬† I enjoy giving.¬† IT’s fun to bless someone that isn’t expecting it.

I have much serenity these days as I adjust to my new medication.¬† Prayer is at the forefront of every day, and I see answered prayer among my day quite frequently.¬† I have candles burning for different requests.¬† One for my dad and mom, one for my daughter and a dear friend for their future spouses, one for Mike my husbands friend who tried to kill himself but didn’t succeed but is left in a poor state, one for all my family and loved ones.¬† To God do I burn these candles and trust my prayers are being heard by heaven!

I do not have much anxiety right now which is good.  I have so much love and joy and am experiencing these wonderful emotions while I wait for what I do not know what the future will bring.

I have a certain sadness because of my dad.¬† Hoping he makes it another Christmas…

Pax

Victoria