Just be held…

Dear readers,

When life doesn’t go as planned I sometimes lay on my comfy bed and just sing this song by I believe Casting Crowns.  It also sings, “you’re world’s not falling apart it’s falling into place, just be held”.

Life has been very difficult lately but today was a reminder to me again that one minute it may seem dark and stormy but then the light and life comes back into play and I am ok again.

Today was physically and mentally exhausting.  But I am actually at the library on a retreat with Edith Stein a Catholic saint, through her writings.  I feel blessed to be alive and love that I know what I need although today I did not take care of myself very well.

I spent the day with my daughter and it didn’t go as planned but we always love being together and today there was tears and laughs, but more tears than laughs.

I am currently obsessed with Christmas.  I need it to come soon this year and celebrate things like tomorrow we are all celebrating my oldest son’s birthday at our fave pizza place.  With lemon bars, grandma and auntie, in laws and my core family, husband, daughter, sons and daughter in law.  It will be fun and light and filling at the same time.



A timeless blog…

Not sure if this blog will repost so here goes

I blog on my phone now so can’t see everything like on a computer.

I’m doing much better these days and today was an awesome day! Got in my exercise, ate healthy with a couple of treats and saw my dad! Also listened to my child’s love life and connected with someone so special. She just glows while she listens to you. Her son has schizophrenia so she understands better than most! We set intentions for my mom, drank kombucha, sang the to the eagles and hugged the way one ought! Love to Annette!

Here’s to another good day tomorrow and for us all to feel the love of God ❤️



Anxiety is real…

For anyone who has experienced a state of extreme anxiety there are no need to explain but for those who have not….

Its crippling and very difficult!

Last week was one big anxiety attack caused by situational stress. But this week is better already. The tide has turned and I’m hoping for a smooth season.

I’m actually starting to get ready for Christmas!

It makes me happy so I am doing it today!

Self care is huge and the way I get through life is doing what works for me! Hot baths and lavender are common as well as my pups, coffee and music and can’t forget prayer!

What are some ways you deal with your anxiety? And if you don’t suffer from anxiety what questions do you have?

Wishing you all an anxiety free week!



The ups and downs of having a mental disorder…

Dear readers,

Well life lately has been interesting, suicidal one day and week, passive though but didn’t see myself being alive nor wanting to be.

But God got me through it through my mom having a stroke and needing me to be there for her.  My dad had a stroke three years ago and is still alive although paralyzed and cognitively impaired at times but other times is still with it.

He gives me much comfort all the time since I was a baby, through childhood and much of my adult life and even now in his diminished capacity.

It shook me out of my “funk” and today I want to live.

I have rededicated my life to Jesus and am looking forward to things coming u p.

On a separate note, heard from God last week, just a feeling, and it was due to a trigger friend who I don’t talk to anymore because when we do strange things happen.  We both hear from God and it is very confusing and strange.

All I can say is that when God wants something or somebody He gets it.  I feel like I am having a cynical outlook.  I love God and trust in all His love, grace and mercy but I don’t understand His will for me and many.

I am glad I am not God that is for sure.

Join me in praying this month for all the souls in purgatory, may they rest in peace amen!



The answer is Jesus…

Dear readers,

Much has occurred lately and haven’t been doing very well lately. Only a few maybe 2 people are aware of my recent demise which has included suicidal thoughts, much distress and the invariable torment one suffers with schizophrenia.

But I have found much comfort in Jesus and am looking to Him for answers. I trust in God who made heaven and earth to assist me in this life.

Heard from God the other day and it is real important to say that when He wants something He will have His way.

I’m not crazy here well maybe a lot but I know one thing- He loves me and everyone ! I may not have all the answers but I will trust in Jesus with all that I am.

Thank you for reading. God bless you all!



Things that stress me out…


and how I cope with a mental disorder.

  1. Money, although there always is some but yet wham, the unexpected or balloon payment is due like say for your taxes.  Mine are due in October.  Think of something else.  Don’t spend a dime.  Save if one can, even pennies add up to dollars.  I have definitely gotten better at saving this year.  I stopped shopping for everything on Amazon and am being more frugal about going to the store for every little item.  My husband was supposed to take over the bills because of my disorder but it hasn’t happened and never will probably.

I don’t work so I have more time to find coupons and deals when we do spend.  He makes a decent income so if I am careful I can really tuck some money away if I’m careful.

I know I am blessed.  I can’t imagine being single and having to rely on my disability income which I get $1,000 a month.

2. Sickness and getting older.  I am not as fit as I used to be but am getting back on track.  But I have been dealing for the past two weeks with a new medical problem surrounding digestive issues and am really trying to avoid going to the doctor right now because of lack of insurance (see #3) at least until October 1.

To combat this stress I try to eat healthy all the time with the occasional goodie.  I also am now exercising 4x a week on average.  I am gardening, walking and doing yoga throughout the week.  This helps my getting in better shape and also helps mental alertness and health.  Today was a rest day and all I wanted to do was to rest but I am in the middle of several projects around the house and rose garden so it was actually harder than I thought it would be to take a day off but my body needed the rest.  So back at it tomorrow!

Although this can stress me out a lot I am learning that the key to my happiness is acceptance.

Now i am much more motivated to do the healthy things that I am doing.  Which in the past it has really been problematic to just sit all day and do nothing, now I do rest in the mornings but do get busier later in the day.  So it is good that I am treating my body better because I have really been sick a lot and it has caused me to make sure I do all I can to be healthy.

I might go to the doctor this week.  We shall see how things go but this relates to #1 the money stress with doctor bills and testing they might want to do.

3.  My parents.  I accept they will not always be around but my dad is paralyzed on his left half of his body and my mom is a fighter but is still very frail yet tough as a bird!

How I combat this stress is by spending as much time with them as I can and appreciating every moment.

4.  Kids and husband.  Kids is easy to combat.  All the work I put in when they were growing up has paid off and although I might not agree with all their decisions I am very proud of the 3 of them.  Interestingly enough, my disorder did not kick in until I was 38 and I was only lost to the world for a year of being psychotic.  Husband is one of my kids ha ha so ditto for him.

I also stress over the unexpected busy day, making sure I take all my meds, doing all I can for my family and friends even when an interruption comes at an inconvenient time.  I used to turn off my phone, which I still do, but I do take calls when I can as needed to be a good friend!

Well that is the main stuff.  What are some things that stress you out and how do you cope?  Comment below or email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com.

Bless you all!  Of  course I pray a lot too and try to trust what God is doing.  But it isn’t always easy to do.