How do I keep busy while I await….

I am currently at 100 mg of clozapine, and despite the tiredness I feel pretty good hopeful and keeping up with everything for the most part…

I have applied for a job which I might get…

But in the meantime I keep myself busy with light tasks and fun hobbies.

I make bath diy products, soap, hand sanitizer, lotion, bath bombs and use my quite nice collection of essential oils, which I have been collecting the last few months.

Lavender is my favorite for night or when I am chilling, jasmine and yiang yiang during the day hours.  I not only have an room diffuser but I also wear a necklace made of lava rocks which diffuse the oils too that I am enjoying.

I also garden when it is nicer and enjoy my flowers throughout the areas I have been working on.  I also just bought a windchime for the front.  Not windy right now though.

I busy myself also with making DIY Christmas decorations.  This year will be a sad year because my daughter isn’t coming home but will be here in January.  It is because of this that I am doing Christmas very different this year.  I sent a few important cards but not to everyone I usually send to.  Why is it that only at Christmas we remember certain people?

I have been celebrating Christmas for weeks now giving away the bath products I made and little well meaning gifts.  I enjoy giving.  IT’s fun to bless someone that isn’t expecting it.

I have much serenity these days as I adjust to my new medication.  Prayer is at the forefront of every day, and I see answered prayer among my day quite frequently.  I have candles burning for different requests.  One for my dad and mom, one for my daughter and a dear friend for their future spouses, one for Mike my husbands friend who tried to kill himself but didn’t succeed but is left in a poor state, one for all my family and loved ones.  To God do I burn these candles and trust my prayers are being heard by heaven!

I do not have much anxiety right now which is good.  I have so much love and joy and am experiencing these wonderful emotions while I wait for what I do not know what the future will bring.

I have a certain sadness because of my dad.  Hoping he makes it another Christmas…

Pax

Victoria

Update: getting used to deep emotions and finding a good balance on new medicine…

Unfolding before me is a new lease on life thanks to Clozapine.  Since increasing my dosage to 50 mg I have had an increased sense of balance and well being.  I see my psychiatrist next week and am so glad to have a good report.

Getting used to my feelings without drowning them in vices…

Closer to God than ever.  I pray the rosary every day and even now it has new meaning.  Time with God and Mary and all the wonderful saints.

I am willing to continue this new life.  I have been connecting with family too which is awesome.  Family is everything to me.  My friends are right there too though.  It is good to have both really.

Life is so wonderful!  I feel more like my old self every day.  Hate to go to bed lol.

Pax

Victoria

A very stressful day but made it, glad for a new day though…

Yesterday was very hard and long for me.  My mom had knee replacement surgery and had to be there at 5:45 am, I didn’t sleep much the night before in fact stayed up late to hang out with my 18 yr old son….

So the day was spent waiting for her to come out of surgery and she is frail mind you so there was that scare.  But she did better than fine.  The surgery was three hours though and had to wait a while to see her in recovery.  Some other stressful things to help her get settled but I got through it and went to bed at 9:00pm last night and slept in till 9.

Today is a new day and I am happy to report she is walking around a little with little pain and a very cheery countenance!

I am glad for new days especially after a hard day like yesterday.  Makes me appreciate things more.  Little things like my ice water and lavendar scents make me happy.  Gardened a little today, watering and prepping for new fall plants.

I have my other hobbies as well such as cleaning my house in depth.  Got my list and getting through it one project at a time.  Even painted some indoors to spruce things up.

My other hobbies (goat soap making and other natural products) and collaging are there too when I get done with the deep cleaning of my house and the gardening and yuck weeding out front.

We might be having a party over here in October so my husband is doing his part getting the yards looking good and getting rid of trash and junk!  We have been married 25 years and although he doesn’t really understand my mental disorder, he is there for me in other ways like leaving me be yesterday for the most part when I was just done with the day!

Hope everyone has a good end of September as October is right around the corner, birthday time soon!  48 years young!!!

Pax

Victoria

 

Quitting smoking, finances and art oh my:)

Good morning to all my readers!

It is a special day for me, will share more about this at the end.

I have quit smoking with a plan and am on day 5 with not one puff!  I am doing a little vaping at 3mg, my CBD oil which helps me to be more creative, and nicotine lozenges.  I am doing this not only for myself but for my children namely my son Dominic….

Finances are not good, but I have a plan for that too.  Applied for a retail job last night, think it might be enjoyable to work at a department store for 20-30 hours a week and still help my mom and visit my dad.  Need the money and the low pay won’t affect my permanent disability if I get it.  It has been one month since the hearing, with one to two months to go to get the verdict.  The lawyer made a strong argument in my favor why I can’t work gainfully.  I think I will win but until I know for sure it is a little nervewracking.

But I have been keeping busy with my collages, lately of loved ones for birthday cards and made a family heart shaped collage for me to look at when I want to smoke.  It really helps.  Have been making meditation cards for an upcoming show also, have about 20 so far with a goal to make 20 more.  I do this when my husband is watching tv and I sit at the kitchen table in the shared room and collage, cut and paste these beautiful pictures of anything and everything from butterflies to a mosque.  Lots of nature pictures too and peaceful images.  Don’t know what to sell them for as they cost nearly nothing to make.  Spent 18$ on a laminator and ten bucks on the sleeves.  Oh well, not in it for the money anyway.  If anyone wants me to make them one email me and I can custom make one for just cost of shipping 1$ or so…  victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

So I am staying busy while I await the verdict… gardening some, sparking, walking, cleaning house, sanding cabinets to paint in the kitchen, and getting rid of anything that isn’t nailed down  ha ha.  Also been shopping quite a bit on Amazon, love their lightening deals.

Anxiety is managed at the moment and delusions have lessened again thanks be to God and Mary whose special feast day is today.  Our Lady of Sorrows pray for us!

Hope everyone is doing well too!

Pax

Victoria

Is there a number able to count?

I have relapsed several times, some psychotic breaks, some anxiety attacks, some depression and the list goes on…

And each time I have relapsed I have gotten weaker in my ability to recover….

But I don’t give up.  I listen to Jason Mraz I won’t give up and I sing along.

Even though these relapses are behind me, they still affect me greatly.

Pax

Victoria

New medicine is working great!

 

Well I am happy to report that the new anti-anxiety medication is helping already.  Once again medicine and my awesome psychiatrist have saved the day!

My anxiety is much less and I feel like I could possibly work at a low stress job but I am not rushing into anything.  If we didn’t need the money I wouldn’t even bother but I am still waiting for permanent disability to kick in.  Since I got fired from my last job that will help my case and hopefully will speed things up.

What is really helping right now is my walking and work outs at the gym!  I took the day off from exercise yesterday and could feel the difference mentally.  I am like many people I need to fight my depression with medicine and movement!

Nothing is easy right now but I am pushing through and getting things done anyway despite how I feel.  I will make it to the gym today even if it is in the afternoon.  I am excited about using some of the new machines that staff showed me on Saturday and because it is cold outside I am going to use the treadmill to get my miles in and use inclines to get a more intense work out!

Surrounding myself with positive people and inspirational quotes helps a lot too lately.  I have a few good friends on FB who really post some neat things and I get a lot out of them and other things I read online on blogs and other sources.

I am just happy that the anxiety has left.  Mentally I feel more with it and more motivated to keep my house in order.  Having this disorder means so many things but I will not give up.  Every journey starts with a single step and I am putting my best foot forward to make a difference in my life and that of others.  Being charitable is hard when one is down but I try to help others as often as I can and it does help with my mood too.

The really great thing is that I am not psychotic right now despite the stress at my last job.  I don’t want to be psychotic ever again.  I want to be sober all the time and don’t even drink.  I do use nicotine lozenges throughout the day but don’t see myself giving them up anytime soon and do smoke a few cigs here and there..

My journey has brought me thus far; it is amazing the progress I have made and I hope that I can encourage others who also suffer from Schizoaffective Disorder.

Pax

Victoria

p.s. write anytime, I see I have some new followers, thank you for your interest.  Drop me a line anytime and share your story too… We all matter.  I blog a lot about how I am doing but as I see others check out my blog I wonder your story too and hope that my blog has made a difference in someone’s life other than my own!

 

 

Doing better again…

 

Nothing has really changed that much with my life, my dad is still dying and I am still unable to work but with the good support of family and friends I feel much better about all that is going on.  I am especially grateful to God for so many things.  I have new hope in the future.  Financial doings are even looking up so that is great especially at holiday time.  My daughter is coming home for Christmas so we both decided to decorate early this year.  My tree will be trimmed tomorrow evening and my daughter already has hers done!

I fill my days with pleasurable activities, shopping a little, coffee a lot and eating out with friends.  Walking 5 miles a day every day almost.  Took today off because it is Sunday though.

Anxiety is better at last.  I have several ways I relieve my anxiety naturally and as long as I maintain those things I am ok.

The Schizoaffective Disorder is under control because I take my anti-psychotics daily (2 kinds) and take good care of my physical health.  I exercise, sleep 8-9 hours every night, eat right 80% of the time and maintain contact with friends and family I choose to talk to.

I have lost 38 of the 50 pounds I gained when newly diagnosed.  I am happy where I am at and if I lose more I lose more.

I have accepted the fact that I may never work again.  Permanent disability is probably what I will end up on.  Se la vida.

Pax

Victoria