It’s a grave new world…

I don’t want to cause further panic in an already much talked about subject but it is a world of which I could never imagine.  People are dying, people are shut in, people are oblivious.

I think about it a lot, can’t help it really with all the ways it is affecting us all.  But I am coping well and getting through it by getting my exercise in every day, eating healthy and today had my first tele-video with my psychiatrist.

It went well and although I didn’t share with him that I am having partial delusions that I am causing the terrible spread of this virus by not being in God’s will that’s ok because I don’t really deep down believe it but there have been some signs of God’s displeasure  of some of my unhealthy habits.  But to think and believe even partially that I am the cause of the terrible state of things is a huge burden to carry.

Haven’t shared it with anyone but am sharing it on here because this is a safe place and hell I have Schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder so I am allowed to believe these things which seem so improbable and unlikely. I did try giving up these things God has said He doesn’t want me to do and there was little change in the state of the world so we shall see.

Sorry to be so vague but many would judge me for these actions so will keep them to myself for the time being.

Exercise and staying busy is my number one suggestion for anyone struggling with mental health right now.  Wash 5 dishes, walk for ten minutes around the house if needed, stretch, do yoga (Adrienne on You tube is fantastic) as is Leslie Sansone’s walking videos also on Youtube!

Anything to get the body moving and of course have some fun.  We have been eating together much of the day.  I live at home with my husband, myself, and two adult children one of which works at home, and the other one just got word he is being fired and is so happy about it!

Amazing how things change in an instant and it is also amazing how we are making COVID memories right now.

There is a song by Maroon 5 called Memories and it is still speaking to me when I want to take a break from my routine and listen to something meaningful.  The guy is hot too but I’m married but can admire from afar a fine specimen of a man with tattoos and the greatest voice.

Well those are my musings of the day.

Stay at peace my friends and stay connected.  You can always email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com if you want to know more about my journey or have any comments on my blogs.

Pax

Victoria

#Jesusistheway

 

 

Writing to pass the time…

So here I sit…

Actually been active today.  Took my dog for a long walk and got to witness families spending time together outside on this cold yet sunny day here in California.  It is kind of sad that it takes a global crisis to get families out and together.  But was nice to see.  Some houses were quiet, some people were fearful keeping their distance, some didn’t care, some crossed the street and me just taking it all in going with the flow…

I go with the flow a lot, my moods are up and down but right now I am mellow and at a good place physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I have Memories by Maroon 5 on loop.  Don’t know why but this song speaks to my soul right now…

Wishing for normalcy right now but feel like this is the new normal and may be for a while…

Life is weird.  One minute you are cruising along and everything seems to be alright and then bam a huge change like this…

These are my musings today.  Wishing you all peace and love in your hearts and homes as we see what the next day brings.

pax

Victoria

Final part 7 of my schizophrenia love journey…

So here I sit! Wanting the world 🌎 to know that I am ok and so are you!

It’s ok to have a mental disorder that causes me to not be ok at times.

I don’t particularly like people knowing that I’m not ok at times but it is the truth. I am not ashamed but proud of all I accomplish in a day most days.

But the moments I am not ok I have to figure something out! Long baths help as does my cbd oil and other things!

The secret to happiness I read is kind deeds and hot baths so away I go to soak and relax.

I will be blogging again soon to keep the momentum going. I didn’t realize how much I missed it.

Feel free to email me any suggestions or comments on things that help you or your loved ones when not ok!

Victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

Pax

Victoria

The facade…

I am not ok right now.  I am safe and not suicidal but finding it hard to leave my house past couple of days.  But I put on a brave face for all to see, the facade that I am fine when I am not.  I want to scream sometimes but sing or hum instead of scaring people.

Not sure where my Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective Disorder comes into play but the fact that I cannot work or take a volunteer position really messes with my head  Distractions are welcome to take my mind off of my mad existence.  yesterday it was beer and rocky road ice cream. ha ha the secret it out.

Today I am fighting with myself to get sh*& done.  I feel better about my life when I get things done.

Took a little break from my series of my love journey with schizophrenia.  But this is still some how related.  What does one do when motivation is wanting and simple things not being where they are supposed to be are not there.

I will not give up.  My parents are proof of that and my good example to follow these days.  The word I find continuing to follow me in this new year is adaptability.  One must be adaptable when one is in trouble.

I have several health issues troubling me right now and although I am seeing doctors and my therapist, it is causing some worry.  But I will push on.

What has really helped me is taking Goterpy a unique cbd oil that I take three times a day for my Schizophrenia, pain and depression.  It has changed my life in many ways.  I am selling it now, 250 mg for $30 plus shipping.  It is an added expense because although it helps with the symptoms, often it is that I have to keep taking it to get the results I desire.  If I miss a dose I notice it pretty quick.  Off I go to take my midday dose.

If you are interested in buying some or have any comments on my blog feel free to email me at ~ victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

Pax

Victoria

Part 3 of my schizophrenia love journey…

So not feeling extra special when I look back at my life. Nothing heroic all very mundane but with a few moments of confusion and unexplainable happenings…

The year I received the gift of schizophrenia my world 🌎 lifted me so high on life receiving messages from above which still happens from time to time. And then the meds stopped the dialogue that was pretty constant and confusing.

But when God wants his will done in me who am I to refuse?

Today is the type of day when I will force myself to get sh$& done!

Just gonna do it because yesterday was a shitty day I don’t want to repeat!

I found out the other day I still have the gift of healing which I only use when God directs me…

So here I am still fighting each and every day I am alive. Today it’s in the garden I will work ☺️

Hoping all of you have a blessed day ❤️

Pax

Victoria

Part One~ Interesting facts on my Schizophrenia love journey…

None of this is made up.  My memory serves me well when I remember things due to my creativity.  I forget boring things most the time.  You let me know will you please if this is all very weird?  I am not delusional right now for some time now due to the CBD oil I take called Goterpy which I am selling now.  So many benefits but will skip for now as I want to share  the all very odd occurrences since my birth.

  • Born in 1969, first year with man on the moon to celebrate my coming into this world. ok maybe I still am delusional to some extent ha ha.  Anyway the first few years of my life were happy.  Until…
  • Can’t say for sure when or why the turn occurred.  But my earliest moments of oddities were at age 5 bilocating by floating down the hall at the top of the ceiling at night to observe my parents as they watched tv in the family room.
  • No fear then and no real fear now as I face my most difficult time ever but am doing it all very well.
  • My dad is my heart and soul and that is all I shall say about him.  When he finally dies and gets to go home to our Precious Lord Jesus I will die inside and hope it doesn’t cause me backtracking of my disorder…

At times I am very detached from things in this world.  But I am never detached from God…

end of part one

part two on how I thought everyone experienced strange occurrences as a child… coming soon!

pax

Victoria

Part One~ Interesting facts on my Schizophrenia love journey…

None of this is made up.  My memory serves me well when I remember things due to my creativity.  I forget boring things most the time.  You let me know will you please if this is all very weird?  I am not delusional right now for some time now due to the CBD oil I take called Goterpy which I am selling now.  So many benefits but will skip for now as I want to share  the all very odd occurrences since my birth.

  • Born in 1969, first year with man on the moon to celebrate my coming into this world. ok maybe I still am delusional to some extent ha ha.  Anyway the first few years of my life were happy.  Until…
  • Can’t say for sure when or why the turn occurred.  But my earliest moments of oddities were at age 5 bilocating by floating down the hall at the top of the ceiling at night to observe my parents as they watched tv in the family room.
  • No fear then and no real fear now as I face my most difficult time ever but am doing it all very well.
  • My dad is my heart and soul and that is all I shall say about him.  When he finally dies and gets to go home to our Precious Lord Jesus I will die inside and hope it doesn’t cause me backtracking of my disorder…

At times I am very detached from things in this world.  But I am never detached from God…

end of part one

part two on how I thought everyone experienced strange occurrences as a child… coming soon!

pax

Victoria