Update: getting used to deep emotions and finding a good balance on new medicine…

Unfolding before me is a new lease on life thanks to Clozapine.  Since increasing my dosage to 50 mg I have had an increased sense of balance and well being.  I see my psychiatrist next week and am so glad to have a good report.

Getting used to my feelings without drowning them in vices…

Closer to God than ever.  I pray the rosary every day and even now it has new meaning.  Time with God and Mary and all the wonderful saints.

I am willing to continue this new life.  I have been connecting with family too which is awesome.  Family is everything to me.  My friends are right there too though.  It is good to have both really.

Life is so wonderful!  I feel more like my old self every day.  Hate to go to bed lol.

Pax

Victoria

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Mental Health Day today…

It finally happened today!  I didn’t work due to feeling off balanced mentally.  This is the first time it has happened since I started working part-time.  I didn’t call in sick though instead I just switched my days and am working on Friday.  I just wasn’t “feeling it” is the best way to describe it.  I tried to go to an AA meeting but half way through I knew I couldn’t share and wasn’t getting much out of it anyway so I excused myself saying I wasn’t feeling well.  I am home now in comfy clothes and going to go on an errand with my daughter in a little bit so we will see how that goes.

My daughter is my greatest family support and she is leaving in July or August to go to school in Colorado.  We usually hang out on Wednesdays but it is bittersweet for me because I know she will be leaving soon and I just can’t think what I will do without her.  She understands me better than anyone in my family and is just an awesome daughter many times over.  But I refuse to hold her back from her dream of moving out of our small town and seeing the world.

On one of our walks recently she told me something that I really hope comes true that once she is done with college out of state she wants to live on the Central Coast so that her children can see me a lot and be near their grandmother (that’s me!).  It made my day because she has never said that before and I so much do want to be a part of her life and any children she may have.

Here is to a better day tomorrow!

Pax

Victoria