Strange times bring about needed change for me at least…

In these unprecedented times I go first to God and then I take action.  Today it was giving up something I love.

Many reasons for this denial but bottom line I am doing what I feel I ought.  And may God help me!

I rejoined AA and am working the steps in an unusual fashion.  I have been with the same sponsor for 6 years and have 2 days sober.  I wasn’t drinking a lot but when I did it was sneaky and fast to get the effect and alcoholic.  So I gave it up and now have in my routine to go to a zoom AA meeting every day at noon.

Anyways, this wise lady has been with me through thick and thin and we have worked the steps so many times in so many ways that we both had the idea to just do them free form.  Well she assigned me writing to do and I am going to do it here in case anybody else suffers from addiction as do I.

So here goes~

Why do I pick up that first drink that doesn’t satisfy?

First reason- anxiety, I get in the mood to party and get wasted and I think a beer or three will fix that.  I don’t like to get drunk but it feels good to be buzzed and forget the pain I feel right now for many reasons…

What can I do to solve this?  yoga helped today as did gardening and walking.  And writing is always therapeutic. Taking a bath is something I really enjoy and sniffing lavender when I am anxious can really help too.  I can also take my midday dose of goterpy which is full spectrum CBD oil.  Which I do happen to sell.

Second reason- boredom

Well I think we can all relate to this one at some level.  I’m tired of cleaning, cooking all the time and even get bored with myself.  Anxious and bored really doesn’t make a great mix I am sure you can imagine.  Going off the rails inside because I am so broken still at times and can’t think of one thing to do that interests me.

Solution-  I have taken up new hobbies!  Paint by number of a peacock and bought a guitar to learn to play!  Also if I get like this and I am at my worst fixing with alcohol or sugar I can look at my list I posted about a week ago.  Super baths, super naps, super everything i can read on my list.

The single thing that I think is really important is to not pick up that first drink or drug!   More meetings, writing and talking with people who understand addiction.

I can do this one day at a time, one moment, one nanosecond!

Praying for all of you in this difficult time.  Wishing and praying for a peaceful resolution to this pandemic!

Pax

Victoria

 

 

 

 

It’s a new beautiful day

Sometimes life just gets hard.  It is hard to know the right thing to do especially when one suffers from mental illness.  I am dually diagnosed, I suffer from addiction along with Schizoaffective disorder.  I fight it though and am happy to say that today I am clean and sober and taking my mental illness meds as prescribed.  It is not every day that I can say that, but I have hope for many more days like today to come, one day at a time.

I have new hope that God will carry me through when I cannot lift myself up even in prayer.

The great part is that there are these really good people in my life today who help me to see the positive side of things.  Negative people have a very small place in my life.  If I could I would eliminate them altogether but when they are immediate family it is very hard.  I try to be positive with them, always pointing out the good in every situation and lately there have been some situations which just suck!  But I do my best and I think I am doing a really great job with what life has given me.

I will leave you with this prayer which I try to live each day.  It really helps me to get through everything with grace and dignity.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (you),

the courage to change the things I can (me)

and the wisdom to know the difference”

Amen

Pax

Victoria