To the Universe, getting ready for my apt. tomorrow with Psychiatrist….

This is what I need to do for myself and if anyone else benefits then great…

Tomorrow I see my pdoc and hopefully he will be increasing my Clozapine.  I’m at a hundred right now but have been told that 400-450 is the therapeutic level.  I am still taking my Latuda but hopefully will be able to wean off of it and just be on the Clozapine.

So far the Clozapine has been great helping me to feel my feelings again which has been a bit uncomfortable but manageable.  I have had some of my most productive days on it than ever but still have some days where I am just well the best way to describe it is down.  I have had several lately in a row, with today finally coming out of it thankfully.

I am still having the side effect of tiredness and am sleeping 10-13 hours a day especially in the mornings I am like a zombie my husband has witnessed.  Am going to ask about a medicine to counteract this side effect.

What helps me most is my essential oils, lavender, peppermint, rose and jasmine.  And my music stays with me at every corner.  I’m good with a few close friends and most of all my dear daughter is there for me at every bend.  She is like my life line, and she calls me her angel but she is mine more than she knows.  Oh all my children bring me much joy!  Today someone asked me if I was a grandma.  Wow!  No, I answered not yet but I am hopeful….

My book will be out very soon, supposed to be arriving any day for my approval.  Will see if it can provide me some sort of income.  I have written many articles, a chapter in a book, a self published book and now a book that is being published and promoted with Covenant Books.  If this one does well I have another one ready to go too.  But it feels like a lifetime ago that I wrote it when in reality it was just a few months ago.

I am definitely not psychotic these days, very in touch with reality lately, my last delusion has faded greatly so that is a huge relief as it was a burden that I carry with only a few knowing these thoughts of grandeur.  Reality hurts.  I am human and I have a disorder.  What else can I say but that while my delusions were positive they carried with it a huge burden that I am just now as I type losing rapidly so happy to say.

But living in reality for the time being is great because although I make mistakes, some bigger than others, I know I am forgiven.  But it’s scary sometimes because I have very poor judgement at times….

God is good to me though and although I can’t see Him, I feel His presence with me at every waking moment and with each beat of my heart do I pray His will for me now and forever… amen.

Pax

Victoria

Essential oils brighten my day:)

I bought a pack of essential oils with lemon, rosemary, cedarwood, eucalyptus, orange, peppermint, lavender, stress relief and more…

I have been using them in various recipes that I got out of eat dirt by Dr. Josh Axe.  Today I made deodorant with coconut oil, baking soda and rosemary.  Put it in an old container and have cheap good smelling deodorant!

Tomorrow it is going to be my favorite activity with lavender.  I am making goat soap the easy way and even adding color and lavender dried flowers to them.

Today was a good day.  I painted my kitchen cabinets and the kitchen is so much brighter now!  Feels clean!  Scrubbed my countertops too and got rid of what I don’t use that was taking up space mainly cds.  I am obsessed with Jason MrAz house shows.

I am not always motivated to do jobs around the house or in the gardens so I take the motivation when it comes… and lately because of the CBD oil and other herbal remedies plus the essential oils my motivation level is quite high.

I even applied to two jobs this week that won’t affect my disability if I get it working retail at department stores.  Seems chill.  Not much pay but right now anything helps!

Today is Padre Pio Feast Day September 23 and he answered a novena prayer I was saying with my daughter in a big way!  God is so good!

My disorder is in check right now.  I still take my medicines twice a day faithfully and everything else I do on top of it is just supplementation not instead of.  I have resigned to the fact that I will be taking Risperdal and Latuda along with Lexapro and my anti-anxiety drugs every day for the rest of my life.

Finding creative ways to make life pleasureable is half the fun, the other half is living my life with a purpose!

Still waiting for several things to happen, my second book should be published 2018, and I will find out hopefully this month if I qualify for permanent disablility or not.

My mom is also having surgery for a knee replacement this next week so appreciate any prayers anyone can muster!

Life is good!  Doesn’t have to be a pity party even when I am unmotivated….

Pax

Victoria

 

C