Things that stress me out…

 

and how I cope with a mental disorder.

  1. Money, although there always is some but yet wham, the unexpected or balloon payment is due like say for your taxes.  Mine are due in October.  Think of something else.  Don’t spend a dime.  Save if one can, even pennies add up to dollars.  I have definitely gotten better at saving this year.  I stopped shopping for everything on Amazon and am being more frugal about going to the store for every little item.  My husband was supposed to take over the bills because of my disorder but it hasn’t happened and never will probably.

I don’t work so I have more time to find coupons and deals when we do spend.  He makes a decent income so if I am careful I can really tuck some money away if I’m careful.

I know I am blessed.  I can’t imagine being single and having to rely on my disability income which I get $1,000 a month.

2. Sickness and getting older.  I am not as fit as I used to be but am getting back on track.  But I have been dealing for the past two weeks with a new medical problem surrounding digestive issues and am really trying to avoid going to the doctor right now because of lack of insurance (see #3) at least until October 1.

To combat this stress I try to eat healthy all the time with the occasional goodie.  I also am now exercising 4x a week on average.  I am gardening, walking and doing yoga throughout the week.  This helps my getting in better shape and also helps mental alertness and health.  Today was a rest day and all I wanted to do was to rest but I am in the middle of several projects around the house and rose garden so it was actually harder than I thought it would be to take a day off but my body needed the rest.  So back at it tomorrow!

Although this can stress me out a lot I am learning that the key to my happiness is acceptance.

Now i am much more motivated to do the healthy things that I am doing.  Which in the past it has really been problematic to just sit all day and do nothing, now I do rest in the mornings but do get busier later in the day.  So it is good that I am treating my body better because I have really been sick a lot and it has caused me to make sure I do all I can to be healthy.

I might go to the doctor this week.  We shall see how things go but this relates to #1 the money stress with doctor bills and testing they might want to do.

3.  My parents.  I accept they will not always be around but my dad is paralyzed on his left half of his body and my mom is a fighter but is still very frail yet tough as a bird!

How I combat this stress is by spending as much time with them as I can and appreciating every moment.

4.  Kids and husband.  Kids is easy to combat.  All the work I put in when they were growing up has paid off and although I might not agree with all their decisions I am very proud of the 3 of them.  Interestingly enough, my disorder did not kick in until I was 38 and I was only lost to the world for a year of being psychotic.  Husband is one of my kids ha ha so ditto for him.

I also stress over the unexpected busy day, making sure I take all my meds, doing all I can for my family and friends even when an interruption comes at an inconvenient time.  I used to turn off my phone, which I still do, but I do take calls when I can as needed to be a good friend!

Well that is the main stuff.  What are some things that stress you out and how do you cope?  Comment below or email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com.

Bless you all!  Of  course I pray a lot too and try to trust what God is doing.  But it isn’t always easy to do.

pax

Victoria

 

Checking in sorry not as promised…

Dear readers,

I don’t blog much these days but life has been crazy.

I am learning what works for me, what motivates me and how to deal with some difficult emotions found around those I love, tears, smiles and a lot more.  But for the most part I am doing really well despite this difficult diagnosis.

Some of the things I do to stay well is to every day do the following:

Deep breaths

prayer

read my bible

self care

garden (ok not every day)

Keep my house up

take care of my doggies

take care of the bills, taxes, cars, houses and paperwork

read inspirational books and articles or watch Tedtalks

exercise several times a week (yoga, walking, cleaning house, and going to start interval running.

and last but not least I listen to inspirational music mainly Jason Mraz (ok I am obsessed with him and his music ha ha)

Life is pretty good right now except for some minor anxiety.  I also take a few supplements NAC, CBD oil full spectrum (because of taking this oil I am no longer delusional) and magnesium.  I also take my anti-psychotic meds every day no matter how I feel.

I don’t feel the need to blog as much as I used to because the delusions are gone.  Come to find out the book I wrote I was delusional while writing it.  When I reread it (which is rare) I find that I don’t remember even writing it.  I remember my delusions and although I am free of them it’s nice to be free!

Hope all of you are doing well!

Prayers,

pax

Victoria

 

I won’t give up…

This song by Jason Mraz has kept me going through my suffering with schizoaffective disorder, I sometimes forget how far I have come in my journey of recovery and forget how much this song helped me.

“I won’t give up on us (me n the Divine) even if the sky’s get rough ”

I have been through so much as my previous first posts since 2013 and I started this blog which has helped me maybe more than it has helped others!

I appreciate every like and comment and emails alike! They are all special to me…

My webmaster has shown me how to link to previous blogs so will be working on that tomorrow.

Goodnight

As usual pax,

Victoria

To the Universe, getting ready for my apt. tomorrow with Psychiatrist….

This is what I need to do for myself and if anyone else benefits then great…

Tomorrow I see my pdoc and hopefully he will be increasing my Clozapine.  I’m at a hundred right now but have been told that 400-450 is the therapeutic level.  I am still taking my Latuda but hopefully will be able to wean off of it and just be on the Clozapine.

So far the Clozapine has been great helping me to feel my feelings again which has been a bit uncomfortable but manageable.  I have had some of my most productive days on it than ever but still have some days where I am just well the best way to describe it is down.  I have had several lately in a row, with today finally coming out of it thankfully.

I am still having the side effect of tiredness and am sleeping 10-13 hours a day especially in the mornings I am like a zombie my husband has witnessed.  Am going to ask about a medicine to counteract this side effect.

What helps me most is my essential oils, lavender, peppermint, rose and jasmine.  And my music stays with me at every corner.  I’m good with a few close friends and most of all my dear daughter is there for me at every bend.  She is like my life line, and she calls me her angel but she is mine more than she knows.  Oh all my children bring me much joy!  Today someone asked me if I was a grandma.  Wow!  No, I answered not yet but I am hopeful….

My book will be out very soon, supposed to be arriving any day for my approval.  Will see if it can provide me some sort of income.  I have written many articles, a chapter in a book, a self published book and now a book that is being published and promoted with Covenant Books.  If this one does well I have another one ready to go too.  But it feels like a lifetime ago that I wrote it when in reality it was just a few months ago.

I am definitely not psychotic these days, very in touch with reality lately, my last delusion has faded greatly so that is a huge relief as it was a burden that I carry with only a few knowing these thoughts of grandeur.  Reality hurts.  I am human and I have a disorder.  What else can I say but that while my delusions were positive they carried with it a huge burden that I am just now as I type losing rapidly so happy to say.

But living in reality for the time being is great because although I make mistakes, some bigger than others, I know I am forgiven.  But it’s scary sometimes because I have very poor judgement at times….

God is good to me though and although I can’t see Him, I feel His presence with me at every waking moment and with each beat of my heart do I pray His will for me now and forever… amen.

Pax

Victoria

How do I keep busy while I await….

I am currently at 100 mg of clozapine, and despite the tiredness I feel pretty good hopeful and keeping up with everything for the most part…

I have applied for a job which I might get…

But in the meantime I keep myself busy with light tasks and fun hobbies.

I make bath diy products, soap, hand sanitizer, lotion, bath bombs and use my quite nice collection of essential oils, which I have been collecting the last few months.

Lavender is my favorite for night or when I am chilling, jasmine and yiang yiang during the day hours.  I not only have an room diffuser but I also wear a necklace made of lava rocks which diffuse the oils too that I am enjoying.

I also garden when it is nicer and enjoy my flowers throughout the areas I have been working on.  I also just bought a windchime for the front.  Not windy right now though.

I busy myself also with making DIY Christmas decorations.  This year will be a sad year because my daughter isn’t coming home but will be here in January.  It is because of this that I am doing Christmas very different this year.  I sent a few important cards but not to everyone I usually send to.  Why is it that only at Christmas we remember certain people?

I have been celebrating Christmas for weeks now giving away the bath products I made and little well meaning gifts.  I enjoy giving.  IT’s fun to bless someone that isn’t expecting it.

I have much serenity these days as I adjust to my new medication.  Prayer is at the forefront of every day, and I see answered prayer among my day quite frequently.  I have candles burning for different requests.  One for my dad and mom, one for my daughter and a dear friend for their future spouses, one for Mike my husbands friend who tried to kill himself but didn’t succeed but is left in a poor state, one for all my family and loved ones.  To God do I burn these candles and trust my prayers are being heard by heaven!

I do not have much anxiety right now which is good.  I have so much love and joy and am experiencing these wonderful emotions while I wait for what I do not know what the future will bring.

I have a certain sadness because of my dad.  Hoping he makes it another Christmas…

Pax

Victoria

Music soothes my soul….

In the mood to blog, hope everyone is doing well.

Music really helps me a lot that and my essential oils…

I find music on Youtube for free and buy some CD’s when I want to play my music while I am working on the kitchen.

Today is my anti-shopping day.  Not one thing, we’ll see, it is hard to resist Amazon Prime.

Right now I am listening to Jason Mraz, Mr. Curiosity.  So amazing!

I am also addicted to the music of Sara Bareilles, I choose you, 100 times and more….

Pax

Voctproa