May series cont…the benefits of writing~

I am struggling to write this blog of the May series.  I struggle with putting into words exactly what I am thinking.  I know I am not the best writer, as my mother can attest to, as she was the main editor for all my school papers, yet she taught me well…love her and glad she is still here on this earth mentally and physically. 

So, I will pose a question of any writer, whether one blogs or journals or exudes poetry… and then I will describe my experience in how writing benefits me.  Feel free to share your answer in the comments below or email me at:  victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

How does writing benefit you?

To me, writing is cathartic, releasing my emotions through raw and real feelings shared through my blogs.  I share my heart with all my readers and I never regret it and have rarely deleted a blog.  I have been blogging since 2013 and was diagnosed in 2008.   It helps me to get my thoughts, emotions and the sharing of how I have recovered greatly from Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder.

 The releasing comes in sharing my pain and offering help to others.  That has been the purpose of this May series and of this blog.  To share how becoming passionate about life by trying new things from yoga and meditation, to walking and gardening.  I hope it has been helpful.  I have enjoyed it and look forward to my time dedicated at night after my umpteenth cup of coffee because I enjoy sleeping in sometimes and enjoy the house to myself while I type away at night sometimes with a candle.

Caveat:

While I write under a pseudo name, I still do not share all.  Only my Maker knows all and that is how it shall remain.  My dark side shall remain a mystery to even me…

Rereading my writing:

I read a prayer list the other day from 2015 and saw that all my prayers had been answered, not always in the way I wanted naturally.  But it was fun to think about when I wrote that prayer list and the need to write a new one only to be discovered in what 2025?  All this from writing.

While I do not dislike any of my blogs!, I often destroy my journals and always have. I have always been a off and on again sort of prolific writer. During my psychotic period 2006-2008 I wrote the most giving messages and I stopped writing for many years. Then wrote a book (only took me 8 years) about my life which didn’t sell. If anyone wants a copy I will gladly send it to you as it is no longer available online.

Conclusion:

Writing does not come easy for all.  But even if you don’t already blog, just journal-ling about things in general can be helpful.  I remember when I first started seeing my psychiatrist, I would write down all my questions and refer to it during session.  I hope you have done the same if you are like me.  Now I just think about it because my meds aren’t changing and the past 4 years since my dad’s stroke. which paralyzed him, my depression has been mainly situational. Talk therapy with a grief therapist has been helpful.  It’s free and I talk to her once a week.  This week I cried thinking about my dad…

Anyway, try it for ten minutes and see what comes out for you.  Reread it the next day and if so inspired write ten minutes more.  Write about your joys, your sadness, your frustration, whatever just journal.  I switch back and forth between blogging and journal-ing.  I just started that.  But I write down what I do every day or need to do and enjoy crossing off my many lists.

What is your passion?  I have so many… write about that and especially areas you might like to improve for future reflection.  But don’t forget to write about all the things you did good each day you remember too.  Even if it is just drinking your water and eating healthy let your pen or computer write that. 

I had to write myself a note today to be gentle with myself right now.  I am recovering from an injury and can’t garden or do too much.  Been finding things to do that involve sitting like the photo sorting, writing and reading. 

So what is your answer to this question?  I hope I have answered well and that this short essay may please my mom. 

Pax

Victoria

Somewhere only I know…

I have a dark side but it used to be much darker in my teenage years when I was doing drugs. Drugs were not the cause of my Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder! It was a gift when I was 36 (stopped doing drugs at 21). Quite the gift…

I still wear mainly black and enjoy heavy metal music, Metallica currently, Yet I am very zen and Christian all the time. I can’t listen to songs about the devil though. Just saying.

I find God mentioned a lot in this type of music along with rebellion, which I am currently in but know that the Grace of God carries me to heaven.

Back to the dark side, I do not love evil, I prayed tonight for all the hardened sinners imprisoned. A bit of family drama tonight spurred it on. Please pray for my husband’s side of the family as they are in need of serious help and may be facing more jail time. I ask myself if I should stay out of it. I do not know so I will do nothing for now.

The May series is not my priority right now as some of you may have noticed. But hoping to stay up late tonight to write on it and to read more of the book I blogged about that has changed my life.

Today was spent with my dear friend who lost her husband 3 weeks ago today, spending the afternoon in my little garden and it was quite nice. We cried, laughed, talked about Larry her husband and watched all the dogs play. My Toby is her dog and I was so glad she brought him. I do not see friends much right now except her and we socially distance during our visits.

I am quite content these days with or without friends. But I am glad that I can be there for her and right now she needs me a lot and I appreciate that she loves me so much as I love her.

I say that yet I do look forward to seeing the family who live with me especially my husband coming home. I wash his mask when he lets me lol and disenfect his phone often.

Is anyone else getting used to these crazy times?

I hugged my husband’s friend tonight, who was born on the same day, month and year (weird) as my husband, who just lost his dad. A good long hug which he was surprised I gave him. I am not afraid and when someone is hurting due to loss I am going to always be there for them. Love will conquer all!

I take a lot of time for me, though, through all of this. I have my music when I want it. Haven’t been doing too much yoga but it’s there…can’t walk right now due to a double toe procedure but still getting in over a mile each day. Been reading a lot. Lots of books right now to stir my heart for God and learn how to hold other’s pain better without letting it affect me in the process.

That’s all for tonight!

God bless and stay safe

pax

Victoria

A love poem…

My heart skips a beat-

when I really think about God

I am at peace with my life in many ways

God is the reason for that-

leading me, guiding me, showing me better ways

The end

I am not the same person I was last week nor am I who I will be in one week. We are always changing. Sure there are inconveniences especially with the whole Corona virus pandemic. But all in all I am better for staying at home. And my garden has never looked better.

I do a lot, manage a lot of things. But I take a lot of breaks and some days, although not lately, I take a day off. Feels like I might need one soon but so much to do.

I have a ton of gardening stacked up, paperwork to fight with and companies, and the dogs to keep happy. But the house is clean and tidy for now and laundry is going to be finished tomorrow. So I will write on my May series. Oh my! I am behind on that too.

But I take everything in stride. What gets done gets done and tomorrow will come soon enough.

A topic coming up is the Art of tidying. I enjoy it and have gotten better at thanks to Marie Kondo.

Well off to write about writing ha ha

pax

Victoria

Coping ok… May series is coming along…

I haven’t been at my best today no reason I can see.

I don’t feel like doing anything so I turn to my computer and write which engages my mind and helps me to be doing something productive.  The May series is really coming together.  I invite you to share it on your blog because it could really benefit anyone with a mental health disorder although it does target people with Schizophrenia.

I do need to do some writing about my dad…

Very hard!  He is still alive although is on hospice currently but is stable for the moment.  I can’t see him right now naturally but if in the even of his decline they would gown me up and let me see him.  So I guess that’s good to know that I might be able to see him again before he dies.

Still very hard to write about him.  I love him dearly and he loves me dearly too.

Here is the schedule for the May series.  I don’t have all dates although the first one will start May 1, 2020.

But these are the topics all of them being the benefits of this practice, along with some of the road blocks I have experienced getting into the practice of them.

  • yoga (May 1)
  • having a spiritual practice
  • meditation
  • gardening
  • walking
  • exercise
  • healthy eating
  • proper rest
  • self care
  • taking care of our mental health
  • ???
  • writing
  • music

I am taking my time to fully edit, proof and possibly add some pics.  I am only sharing what has worked for me.  I do not do it all every day but have found that these activities can be very helpful when I have some down time which lately is all the time.  But there are times when I don’t do any of it except the spiritual practice.  And that’s ok.  But when I am engaged in any of these activities I am always aware and fully immersed and forget that I have a mental health disorder often, which is why I want to share with all of you what works for me. Escapes are what they are really.  Escape from my sadness and preoccupation of my dad’s ultimate death.

Peace to all of you

pax

Victoria

 

 

Upcoming guest article on financial planning for my readers and me too!

Gracefully, I was contacted by a gentleman who wanted to bring his knowledge of financial planning to my blog.  Happily I accepted and it will be released soon coming up hopefully by this weekend.  It’s good advice for anyone but especially people who suffer from Schizophrenia or other mental health disorders (I still refuse to call myself sick).

So watch for it with the # financial planning for the mentally disordered or follow my blog.  You can also contact me as usual at: victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com with any questions or suggestions.

I have never had a guest blogger so am pretty excited to share his blog with you.  Thank you ahead Ed!

As far as my quarantined life I am doing pretty good actually.  Been keeping myself busy with various cooking, cleaning, gardening and blogging projects.  Which by the way leads to my next topic.

May 1, 2020 I will be releasing a series of blogs throughout May with various topics daily hopefully.  My first blog will be on the benefits of…. your choice or mine?  Any suggestions see email above and put in title, topic request.

Some that I am thinking of are music, gardening, yoga, eating healthy etc.  But am open.

I am also awaiting my new acoustic guitar to arrive!!!  Should my first song be “I won’t give up” by my favorite musician Jason Mraz?  For those of you who have been with me for a while know my mantra has been through my hardest times, ‘still not giving up’ based on Jason’s song.  So it will be a tribute of some sort to him.  My son plans to learn it too and is also excited  But I am staying sane and healthy at home for now with my other projects.

Hope this blog finds all of you with peace and love in your hearts,

pax

Victoria

 

Things that stress me out…

 

and how I cope with a mental disorder.

  1. Money, although there always is some but yet wham, the unexpected or balloon payment is due like say for your taxes.  Mine are due in October.  Think of something else.  Don’t spend a dime.  Save if one can, even pennies add up to dollars.  I have definitely gotten better at saving this year.  I stopped shopping for everything on Amazon and am being more frugal about going to the store for every little item.  My husband was supposed to take over the bills because of my disorder but it hasn’t happened and never will probably.

I don’t work so I have more time to find coupons and deals when we do spend.  He makes a decent income so if I am careful I can really tuck some money away if I’m careful.

I know I am blessed.  I can’t imagine being single and having to rely on my disability income which I get $1,000 a month.

2. Sickness and getting older.  I am not as fit as I used to be but am getting back on track.  But I have been dealing for the past two weeks with a new medical problem surrounding digestive issues and am really trying to avoid going to the doctor right now because of lack of insurance (see #3) at least until October 1.

To combat this stress I try to eat healthy all the time with the occasional goodie.  I also am now exercising 4x a week on average.  I am gardening, walking and doing yoga throughout the week.  This helps my getting in better shape and also helps mental alertness and health.  Today was a rest day and all I wanted to do was to rest but I am in the middle of several projects around the house and rose garden so it was actually harder than I thought it would be to take a day off but my body needed the rest.  So back at it tomorrow!

Although this can stress me out a lot I am learning that the key to my happiness is acceptance.

Now i am much more motivated to do the healthy things that I am doing.  Which in the past it has really been problematic to just sit all day and do nothing, now I do rest in the mornings but do get busier later in the day.  So it is good that I am treating my body better because I have really been sick a lot and it has caused me to make sure I do all I can to be healthy.

I might go to the doctor this week.  We shall see how things go but this relates to #1 the money stress with doctor bills and testing they might want to do.

3.  My parents.  I accept they will not always be around but my dad is paralyzed on his left half of his body and my mom is a fighter but is still very frail yet tough as a bird!

How I combat this stress is by spending as much time with them as I can and appreciating every moment.

4.  Kids and husband.  Kids is easy to combat.  All the work I put in when they were growing up has paid off and although I might not agree with all their decisions I am very proud of the 3 of them.  Interestingly enough, my disorder did not kick in until I was 38 and I was only lost to the world for a year of being psychotic.  Husband is one of my kids ha ha so ditto for him.

I also stress over the unexpected busy day, making sure I take all my meds, doing all I can for my family and friends even when an interruption comes at an inconvenient time.  I used to turn off my phone, which I still do, but I do take calls when I can as needed to be a good friend!

Well that is the main stuff.  What are some things that stress you out and how do you cope?  Comment below or email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com.

Bless you all!  Of  course I pray a lot too and try to trust what God is doing.  But it isn’t always easy to do.

pax

Victoria

 

How do I keep busy while I await….

I am currently at 100 mg of clozapine, and despite the tiredness I feel pretty good hopeful and keeping up with everything for the most part…

I have applied for a job which I might get…

But in the meantime I keep myself busy with light tasks and fun hobbies.

I make bath diy products, soap, hand sanitizer, lotion, bath bombs and use my quite nice collection of essential oils, which I have been collecting the last few months.

Lavender is my favorite for night or when I am chilling, jasmine and yiang yiang during the day hours.  I not only have an room diffuser but I also wear a necklace made of lava rocks which diffuse the oils too that I am enjoying.

I also garden when it is nicer and enjoy my flowers throughout the areas I have been working on.  I also just bought a windchime for the front.  Not windy right now though.

I busy myself also with making DIY Christmas decorations.  This year will be a sad year because my daughter isn’t coming home but will be here in January.  It is because of this that I am doing Christmas very different this year.  I sent a few important cards but not to everyone I usually send to.  Why is it that only at Christmas we remember certain people?

I have been celebrating Christmas for weeks now giving away the bath products I made and little well meaning gifts.  I enjoy giving.  IT’s fun to bless someone that isn’t expecting it.

I have much serenity these days as I adjust to my new medication.  Prayer is at the forefront of every day, and I see answered prayer among my day quite frequently.  I have candles burning for different requests.  One for my dad and mom, one for my daughter and a dear friend for their future spouses, one for Mike my husbands friend who tried to kill himself but didn’t succeed but is left in a poor state, one for all my family and loved ones.  To God do I burn these candles and trust my prayers are being heard by heaven!

I do not have much anxiety right now which is good.  I have so much love and joy and am experiencing these wonderful emotions while I wait for what I do not know what the future will bring.

I have a certain sadness because of my dad.  Hoping he makes it another Christmas…

Pax

Victoria